A Mary Sue (Sort of)
by Crazysister101
Summary: Harper Tisdale was a History teacher before getting killed in a school shooting. After being brought to heaven and having a chat with God, she finds out that she can live another life. There's a catch though; it's in another world. Being the die-hard Middle Earth fan that she is, she immediately chooses to live her life there. Who says that God doesn't have a sense of humour?
1. Chapter 1

It all started with me dying.

I am a very religious person, so I always knew that I would go to heaven when I died. You know, angels, clouds and harps?

Yeah, that went a bit differently than I expected.

But I'm getting off track here. My name is Harper Tisdale, and I died.

Dying is a very interesting experience. My life didn't flash before my eyes or anything, I just, died. To be honest, I was expecting things to go a little differently in my life, but at least I saved my kids.

It was June 12th, 2017 when the shooter got into my school. I was teaching my students about the French Revolution, not knowing that I would soon be interrupted by screaming alarms and gunshots. Living in Germany hadn't really prepared me for this sort of thing, it doesn't usually happen in schools. I locked the door, and ushered my students into hiding places. The door to our classroom had a small window, and all the students were told to stay out of sight.

Sure enough, not even a few minutes later we heard loud footsteps echoing down the empty halls, heels clacking against tile. Several of the teens had their hands pressed against their mouths, some of them with silent tears rolling down their face. The shooter stopped briefly outside our room, looking inside. I held my breath, and prayed that they couldn't see any of us. For thirty seconds it was silent, and then the footsteps started to go away.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and had started to reposition myself when I heard a loud crash from the other side of the room. I stared with wide eyes at the student who had accidentally knocked over a chair, and I heard several muffled cries.

The footsteps ran back, and the shooter started to pound at the door. I heard screams from my students, and decided that we couldn't hide anymore. I thanked God that we were on the first floor, and started to help my students out of the window. The pounding at the door became louder and louder, and I hurried my students out as quickly as possible. There were only two left when a bullet broke the window in the door, and I they practically threw themselves out. I had one leg out of the window, and then nothing.

The second bullet did its job. A bullet had gone straight through my skull, making me die instantly. I never had the chance to see if any of my students were wounded, I never found out if the shooter escaped.

No, the only thing I found out was that heaven was a bit different than I had imagined.

Instead of being taken to the throne of God by angels, I saw a row of doors, and two gates. One of them I recognized as the Pearly Gates, the other looked like something out of Las Vegas. You know, neon lights and lots of smoke?

A light cough interrupted my thoughts, and I turned around. A man stood behind me, smiling warmly. "Who are you?" I asked him cautiously, studying his features. No matter how close I looked, I could never get a good picture of him. His features were constantly shifting, and his body seemed to be made out of rainbows of light.

He smiled a bit, then took a step towards me. "I am, well, God. It's so wonderful that you're home Harper. I truly wish you could stay longer."

My overworked brain almost exploded with that statement. I rushed towards him, and wrapped my arms around him. He chuckled a bit, and hugged me back just as tightly.

It seemed like we stood there for centuries, but I still felt empty when I slowly released him. I smiled deliriously, but then realized what he had said before.

"What do mean? I can't stay?"

He must have heard the disappointment in my voice, because he put a hand on my shoulder before answering.

"Harper, it's not yet time for you to join me. Your life has only just begun. All those times that you ignored the rest of the world through books, all of those times that you wished to be in another world, I heard you. I always heard you, even when you thought I wasn't listening."

I looked down, ashamed. I really hadn't had enough faith in him over the years.

He continued, gently moving my head up to look at him. "I love you so much, Harper. I heard all your wishes over the years, and now that you've finished your first life, I've decided to grant them."

I gaped at him, and thought of all of the worlds that I could go to. There was so much I could see! Sherlock Holmes, Merlin, and…

I grinned and my heart soared at the thought.

 _Middle earth._

He must have heard my thoughts, because he gently guided me to a door that looked suspiciously like that of Bilbo's Hobbit Hole.

"You've made a good choice, my child. Don't worry about the horrors of this world, I will always be with you."

And with those last words I stepped through the door, and onto the next big adventure.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up with a start, and promptly fell on my face.

After ever-so gracefully getting off of the ground, I opened my eyes…

Only to find a pair of blue/green/gold/purple eyes staring into my own.

I let out a yelp and stumbled back a few steps. The owner of the weird eyes frowned and then immediately smiled enthusiastically. "Ur awke! Ur Majysty, I didnt mean 2 scre u!"

After staring at the girl for a few moments, I finally deciphered what she was saying. "Your Majesty? What do you mean?"

It was then I noticed that the girl wasn't alone. Another young girl was next to her, and she shoved the first one away.

"Of course, Aedarsha, don't be stupid. You don't call a goddess 'Your Majesty'. You call them 'Most Sovereign One'." She turned to me and knelt. "Please forgive my companion, she has no knowledge of how to be ebullient in your presence."

Now I was just even more confused. I stared at the girl in front of me, and her ears…

Wait, what?

I took a moment to study the two girls in front of me, and was momentarily speechless. The first girl (apparently Aedarsha) looked to be no older than fifteen, but she did not have the body of a fifteen year old. She had more curves than Nicki Minaj, and long red hair that flowed down to her waist. She had large eyes that constantly changed color. Just looking at them gave me a headache.

The other girl also looked about fifteen, but she definitely wasn't human. She had ears and tail like a fox, and kinda reminded me of something out of an anime. She also had red hair, but hers was cut in a short bob. The two of them looked very similar, even though they had totally different clothes on. My eyes strayed to Aedarsha, and I squeaked in surprise as I realized what she was wearing. Years of being a teacher made me want to dress code her instantly. I tore off my jacket and held it out to her.

"You should know better than to wander around in clothes like that! How old are you anyway?"

Aedarsha's face lit up with happiness. "Do u leik my cloths? Theyr from ma hubby."

I just stared at her while she slipped the jacket on. She was in a relationship with someone who made her walk around like that? Years of being around girls that wore things only for their boyfriends had filled me with anger for anyone that did that to their girlfriend, and my eyes narrowed.

"How old is your 'hubby'?"

Aedarsha opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by the other girl.

"Come, Most Sovereign One, we must travel back to our abode. We shall inform you of who we are when we have arrived. The tribe is most anxious to meet you."

Tribe? Most Sovereign One? I was having a hard time processing all of this. My body went on auto-pilot, and followed the girl. Where was I anyway?

Memories of being in heaven returned to me, and I looked around excitedly. So this was Middle Earth? Where were we? The Shire? Rohan?

I was lost in my thoughts for most of the journey, only occasionally looking at the scenery. I was too busy thinking about how I was going to change the future. God had sent me here to have fun, and I was going to. After all, I didn't have to worry about changing things for the worse. God had said that he would always be with me.

A loud cry jolted me from my thoughts. "The goddess has arrived! Lower the drawbridge!" I looked up, and saw a huge black castle. The drawbridge lowered ominously, and I mentally prepared myself to see something horrifying.

Whatever I thought I was going to see, it wasn't this. Almost two dozen teenage girls ran out and started fawning over me. All of them were so perfect that they almost looked inhumane.

"Shoo, all of you! Leave the goddess in peace! She shall bestow her attention upon you as she wishes."

The crowd quickly cleared, and the second girl escorted me inside.

"My name is Siamorpha. I am the leader of your personal guard."

I snapped out of my daze, and turned to her.

"Alright, Sia. Who told you that I was coming?"

She stared at me for a moment before gesturing wildly with her arms. "It was prophesied upon a midsummer's night eve. The Valar themselves descended and bestowed this knowledge upon us. Many have anticipated this day for their entire lives."

I stared at her antics, and then massaged the bridge of my nose. Apparently these girls thought I was some kind of goddess, even though compared to all of them I was horribly plain. My dirty blonde hair and brown eyes were nothing compared to their glossy locks and disco orbs. These girls reminded me of something from my other life. Come on, what was it…

Oh, are you kidding me.

I was being worshipped by a horde of Mary Sues.

They all had the looks to be Mary Sues, and Aedarsha certainly had the grammar. She was probably one of the older ones, she had a distinct 2013 feel about her. Sia seemed to be one of the newer ones. You know, the ones where the author uses lots of big words to sound intelligent? She probably was the long-lost daughter of some important elf. Her ears and tail were just tossed in for diversity.

We stopped in front of a huge wooden door, and Sia turned to me. "If you need anything at all, just think the word and I shall be present immediately." And with those few words she stepped back, and sank into the shadows.

After standing in the same spot for a few seconds, I turned and looked at the door again. I gulped and opened it hesitantly. As soon as the doorknob turned I was blinded by the sun flashing off of a thousand shiny things. I quickly put a hand up in front of my face, and rushed inside. Fumbling around and cursing under my breath, I quickly pulled the curtains closed. After the burning pain in my eyes went away, I had my first good look at the room.

It was about the size of a suite at a five-star hotel. The entire wall behind me was made up of windows, now covered by thick velvet curtains. On the left side of the room was a king sized bed with blue covers. A vanity stood to its right, and my jaw dropped when I saw it. The entire vanity was covered with bracelets, necklaces, and everything a queen could wish for. It was terribly messy, but stunning all the same.

The right side of the room was occupied by a walk in closet that seemed to stretch on forever. It was the polar opposite of the vanity, every article of clothing was meticulously sorted by color and type. I saw gowns that I had only ever seen in fantasy movies, thousands of shoes, and of course, pants that looked more comfortable (and expensive) than any that I had ever worn before. I froze momentarily as I tried to process that everything in this room now belonged to me. As a History teacher I had never really earned a lot of money, and this type of life had always just been an unreachable fantasy. I pinched myself violently before swearing. Yep, I wasn't dreaming.

I snapped back to my senses as I saw the huge black desk, and the sunshine yellow note laying on top of it. I walked over and picked it up, noting the small, loopy handwriting.

Dear Goddess of all things perfect,

OMG! We're, like, so glad that you arrived! Like, honestly, we can't even! ^^

Anyways, since you're, like, our mom, we need your guidance! We can't, like, wait for you to tell us how to be purf and get our own hubby. Important!1!

The meeting starts at like 4. We totally can't wait.

Morwenna, Daughter of the Sea God

Sea God? Were there even sea gods in Middle Earth? I really needed to brush up on mythology here. I had next to no idea if the Valar were the only deities worshipped. Not knowing things like that could seriously offend some people.

The meeting started at 4? Did they even have clocks in Middle Earth? My question was given to me as I saw a elaborate clock just above the door. Another illogical thing the Mary Sues brought with them to Middle Earth. I was pretty sure they didn't have clocks yet in Middle Earth.

I read through the letter again and blinked as I realized what Morwenna had called me. _Their mom?_ How did that happen?

I tried to think back if I had ever been attracted to one of the characters from Middle Earth. As far as I could remember I had never obsessed over one particular one, so that theory was crossed out. Had God really just decided to dump a bunch of illiterate, boy-crazy daughters on me? I was not ready for this, I could barely hold a baby the right way, much less raise my own children!

Part of me wondered if there were any small children in this castle, not only hormonal teenage girls. Were they surrounded by bad role models, doomed to think only about capturing the attention of a main character?

I winced. Legolas was going to have a hard time in the future.

Thinking about the elf prince brought me to another topic: Where on the timeline had I arrived here? Was the Company journeying to the Lonely Mountain, or the Fellowship to Mordor? How much time did I have before I had to worry about how to change the future? What would I do about all of my new 'daughters'?

I couldn't think of the answers to any of these questions, and trying to just brought on another headache. I forced myself to calm down. I would get everything figured out at the 'meeting'.

The meeting. "Oh shit!"

I looked at the clock, and saw that I had about ten minutes left before I needed to be…wherever the meeting was. I looked down at my clothes, covered in dirt and blood, and knew that I needed to change immediately. I didn't want to scare anyone before I even started talking. I ran into the closet, and rummaged through the pants. I grabbed a pair that looked like a pair of fancy sweatpants, and quickly grabbed a blouse. I popped my head into the bathroom, but didn't see a shower. I cursed under my breath. Of course the Mary Sues could bring a clock, but not a shower! Was a shower not glamorous enough or something?

Taking a look at the huge gold bathtub in the middle of the even bigger bathroom, I realized that I was probably right.

I rolled my eyes and splashed some water onto my face to clean off some of the grime. The water rolled over my face, and I blindly fumbled around for a towel. If only I had someone to give it to me…

"You require assistance, Most Sovereign One?"

I screamed in octaves even I didn't know I could reach, and pressed a hand against my heart. A towel was pressed into my hand, and I dried my face before glaring half-heartedly at Sia. "Don't ever scare me like that again! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

She just gave me a rather confused look, then nodded briefly. "Will you be further requiring assistance, Most Sovereign One?"

I groaned and leant my head against the wall. "I'm fine, it's fine, everything is fine, Sia. Just wait for me outside of the bathroom. I'll be out in a sec."

She gracefully waltzed out of the bathroom, and I forced my erratic heart to calm down. Many more scares like that, and I wouldn't ever make it to the meeting! I quickly pulled on my new clothes, and staggered out of the bathroom. Sia subtly stared at me as I pulled on my other shoe, and I looked up to meet her eyes. "So, ah, where exactly is this meeting?"

Three hundred and four corridors later, we had arrived in front of two elaborately decorated doors with gold details. Sia nodded to the two guards who nodded back before opening the doors. As soon as the doors were opened I was assaulted by the sound of excited chatter. There were several delighted screams as soon as I walked in with Sia, and I was briefly reminded of a concert.

There were at least two hundred girls in the meeting room. Some of them were sitting on cushions or chairs, others were hanging down from ledges in the wall. I noticed that there weren't only teenage girls present, but also children and young women. I silently thanked God, only teenagers would have been unbearable.

My relief was short-lived though, because I soon realized that the young women didn't seem to have any more sense than the rest. Some of them had just as bad grammar as Aedarsha, and most of them were dressed similarly to her too. It seemed that I would have a hard job of making them forget everything the Sue-Authors had force-fed them.

While I was lost in my thoughts Sia had already cleared a path for me. There was a chair in the middle of the room, and many Sues were sitting around it, glancing at me almost frantically. I followed Sia to the chair, and she gestured for me to sit down. I slowly sat down, a bit uncomfortable with all the attention I was getting. Sia sat down at my right, and a loud bell sounded. Everyone fell silent, and I shifted anxiously. Was I supposed to start speaking?

My worrying was thankfully short-lived, because soon after the chatter stopped, one of the older Sues stepped to my left. She took out a huge scroll, and I momentarily wondered where on earth she could have hid that on her.

"Alright, fellow Ayasyas. We are gathered here today to celebrate the arrival of our Goddess and Mother, Nontle."

Nontle? That's what they had named me? It didn't sound very glamorous, that was slightly odd for the Sues. And they had called themselves the Ayasyas? I really wished that I had my phone with me, so that I could Google all of these weird names. Heck, I would even go onto Wikipedia!

"She has arrived from the heavens to instruct us in our pursuits and dreams-"

She was cut off by a tall blonde with eyes like the sea.

"So," She said, almost pouncing on me. "How do I get a boyfriend?"

Oh, boy. This was going to take a while.


	3. Chapter 3

_Two weeks later…_

"No, Deianira, we don't chase after men that we don't know. We don't need any extra attention from the villagers. Next time you have to be more careful."

The seventeen year-old looked down at the ground, tears in her eyes. "But I thought that he was my one true love! I didn't know that he would disintegrate too!"

I sighed and held the petite girl in my arms. She was one of the Sues who's author had cursed her only to give her a dramatic past. She could only touch her true love, all others would disintegrate at her touch. Thankfully she wasn't bi, otherwise she wouldn't be able to touch anyone at all. I was pretty sure that her true love was going to turn out to be a main character, like Fili or Kili. Poor girl, she didn't stand a chance.

I had finally found out where in the timeline I had arrived. It was quite a few years after the Dwarves of Erebor lost the Lonely Mountain. I still had some time to establish order amongst the Sue's before I started meddling with the future.

Teaching the Sues had been hard. I had figured out early on that it was not the easiest thing in the world to help them forget what their authors told them. I taught Grammar twice a day, and I had sent for teachers in Math, Science, Politics and languages. I had started to see some minor changes, but they were still a long way from intelligent young women. I felt kinda bad for them, after all, their authors had stuffed romance down their throats and then abandoned them. So many of them had no purpose to life other than to sit still and look pretty. The others were warriors whose skills were only made for them to impress a man. None of them had any passion, they were just beautiful zombies. Once I had realized this, I started working on giving them all an education. I was practically useless as a teacher though, because World History didn't matter when you were in a totally different world.

Having that short philosophical moment had distracted me from the Sues, something that I had soon realized could be fatal. I was torn from my thoughts as I heard high pitched screams and the sound of small feet running on wood.

"Mother! Isadora keeps waving her stupid chinchilla in my face!"

"Am not! Nephele's lying!"

I sighed, rolling my eyes as I turned to the two eight year-olds. Isadora and Nephele were twins, probably even identical. It was slightly hard to tell with all of these Sues, they all were more or less similar to each other. The two in question were rushing towards me, one of them with a squirming chinchilla in her hands. Nephele got to me first, and tugged almost violently on my sleeve. Heterochromic eyes stared up at me imploringly.

"Isadora won't leave me alone! I told her, like, so many times to stop!"

I knelt down to the small child, and put my hand on her shoulder. "First of all Nephele, did you ask her nicely, or did you just shout at her?"

Nephele didn't reply, and I nodded. "So, next time you need to ask nicely. Do you understand?" She looked up at me and nodded slowly. I smiled encouragingly at her, and stood up. "Second of all, when do we use 'like'?"

Her face lit up immediately. "When we're saying that something is similar to something else!" She replied proudly, and I smothered the urge to 'awww'. I nodded and raised both eyebrows. "And when do we _not_ use it?" She grinned sheepishly. "Randomly in the middle of a sentence?" I chuckled slightly, and ruffled her hair. "Yes, that's right."

By this time Isadora had run the length of the hallway, and collapsed into a heap at my side. "She…lying…didn't…chinchilla…" I patted her on the back as she regained her breath. After breathing heavily for a few seconds she took a deep breath and started her rushed talking. "I really didn't mean to throw Arielle at her, it just slipped out of my hands. Please don't be mad!"

I opened my mouth to reassure her when I was cut off by more shouts.

"Mother! Giulietta stole my gown, and won't give it back!"

"It's mine, Mother! Octavia's lying to you!"

No rest for the wicked, huh?

After sorting out three more fights and teaching a group of ten year-olds, I was ready to collapse. I retreated to my room, and threw myself onto my bed. I lay there for a few seconds before seeing the maps and notes on my desk. I groaned before getting up and slowly dragging myself over to my desk, where I flopped down in the chair.

Over the past two weeks I had been planning how to involve myself with the other races and kingdoms of Middle Earth. Believe me, it was not as easy as it sounds. Trying to figure out the best course of action when thousands of lives were on the line was a bit stressful. Should I join the Company? Should I introduce the Sues to the other kingdoms, and say they were a new race? Should I wait until the Fellowship was formed? Like I said before, stressful.

And I also had to watch out for Sauron! If he noticed me and the Sues, it wouldn't end too well. I didn't need him sending orcs, or other foul creatures to the castle. I didn't really like to admit it, but the Sues had wormed their way into my heart, and I didn't want any of them getting hurt.

Thinking about Sauron brought another baddie to mind: Smaug. Was I just going to let the Company take care of him, or should I intervene before the Battle of the Five Armies happened again? Who knows what would happen if I tried to kill him, much less negotiate. I was loathe to bring one of my girls even close to the mountain, who knows if the rumors about dragons were true. I really didn't need him kidnapping one because he thought she was a princess. Yikes.

Also, what was I going to do about my love-sick girls? They wouldn't ever be able to find love if I just locked them up here, but was letting them out a smart idea? What if one of them found the Company, and decided to join? I would have to watch over her every moment to make sure that she wouldn't do anything stupid.

The more I thought about all of my options, the more I realized what the right choice was:

I was going to have to introduce all of them to Middle Earth, and hope that things went well.

I started planning how I would ease them into Middle Earth without losing complete control over them. I would have to take the eldest few first, then work down the line. Maybe I could take them to Rivendell, Elrond would probably keep them from getting into too much trouble. I knew where I _**wasn't**_ taking them: Mirkwood.

I needed to keep Legolas as far away from the Sues as possible. All of the sense that I had instilled in them could disappear in a second upon speaking with him. Yes, I would take them to Rivendell first. But how would I figure out who to take with? There were at least two hundred Sues in the castle, and about a fifth of them were already in their twenties. I could only take a few at a time with me, and I didn't want to pick favorites.

I abruptly grinned maniacally. I had just thought of a way to take care of two problems at once. I stood up and ran towards my door, suddenly filled with a burst of energy. "Sia!" I shouted as she materialized in front of me. "Yes, Most Sovereign One?"

I grinned evilly. "Announce to all of the girls twenty and older that they are to meet me in the main room."

She nodded serenely and disappeared.

I hummed cheerfully as I walked to the main room. My idea had put me in a great mood as I felt the stress of two problems fall off my shoulders. If this worked the way that I had planned, things would run much smoother from now on. It would also give me more time to figure out what to do about Smaug and Sauron.

I nodded to the guards at the door, and waltzed inside. The crowd of young women were buzzing excitedly, and stared at me in anticipation. I sat down on the throne, and waited for it to become quiet. I didn't have to wait long. As soon as they realized I was waiting for them, it quieted down considerably. I stood up again, and addressed them with a smirk.

"I have decided that I will begin to introduce you all to Middle Earth."

The noise came back as they chatted excitedly with each other. I heard several squeals of delight before I signaled for them to quiet down. Silence fell over the room once more.

"However," Here I stared at them pointedly. "I will only be taking five at a time to Rivendell."

Cue the noise. God, they were worse than an eighth grade class on a Friday!

"Quiet, all of you!"

I smiled, satisfied.

"Every month we will hold a general testing. The information will be from your lessons. The top five scores will come with me to Rivendell at the end of every…semester." I was getting major flashbacks from my years of a teacher. Most of them probably didn't even know what a semester was! I hurriedly explained.

"One semester is every six months. Since we are starting in the middle of the year, I'm not sure when the first visit will be. Your teachers will arrive at the end of the week. After that, your real lessons will begin. Remember to pay attention! After all, only the top _five_ will get to come with."

With those last words I walked down the aisle, and out the door.

Oh, this would be fun to watch.

 _Two months later…_

Rivendell was a very serene place. In fact, it was famous for the calm that enveloped every being there. Visitors marveled at the architecture, the waterfalls and arches. It seemed impossible that anything could happen to upset or confuse the city, much less its leader.

However, things are not always as they seem. Lord Elrond was sitting in his study, a look of pure concentration on his face. He had just received a letter from the leader of the so-called Ayasyas. They were apparently a race formerly unheard of, and they were looking to establish a trade relationship with the elves of Rivendell. Their leader signed the letter as 'Nontle'. In all of his years, Elrond had never heard of such a race, nor a leader. It worried him immensely. What if they were some creation of evil? How was he supposed to act in the face of something so new? For the umpteenth time since receiving that letter, Elrond sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache coming on.

Many hours and headaches later, he finally came to a decision. He would write back to this 'Nontle', and accept her party of six to Rivendell. He would put her under close watch while they were there, and should nothing be suspicious, he saw no harm in establishing trade routes.

He didn't know why, but he felt as if this decision would be the first of many to change the future.

When Jaazah told me that the results for the top five students were finally ready, I hadn't really known how to react. Two months had gone by so quickly, and now I was going to find out who I was going to be travelling to Rivendell with. Lord Elrond had replied to my letter, and we would stay for a week. I was relieved when I got the positive reply. Having a good relationship with Rivendell would help me branch out to other races and kingdoms. I needed to have a certain amount of influence in Middle Earth if I wanted to change anything. The only thing that worried me about the trip was if the girls were going to fall in love with any of the elves there. I might have to host a competition for suitors!

All I could really do was hope that they retained their sense around guys, and didn't throw themselves at the first male they see. I didn't want them taken advantage of, and I also didn't want us to come over as boy-crazy. That could seriously damage any further partnerships, and we would never be taken seriously.

Yeah, one could say that I was a bit nervous.

I followed Jaazah down the long hallways before entering a small room that I had designated the info room. This is where the important information about the lessons, teachers and students were. I had one of the Sues enchant it to always update the information, so that it was always up to date. The focus of the room was currently a short list with five names on it. I folded the paper twice, and stuck it in my pocket. I then nodded to Jaazah, who closed and locked the door behind us after we walked out. She broke off from my side to go to her lessons, but I stayed on my course to the main room. My boots clunked against the wood floors as I walked, and I concentrated on the sounds to calm my nerves. The fate of Middle Earth was sitting in my pocket. The fate of Middle Earth rested on five Mary Sues, and my capability to keep them out of trouble. Shit.

I took a deep breath before walking into the main room. The entire room fell quiet as I walked in, and I gulped nervously. I forced my voice not to shake as I began.

"You have all done very well, and I am extremely proud of all of you. Just because you are not in the top five does not mean that you are dumb. It also does not mean that you are worth any less than the top five."

(Earlier I had figured out that I should probably add this part to my speech before any of the Sues killed one of the top five out of jealousy. They could be very violent.)

"Well, here are the top five."

The tension in the room was almost suffocating. I slowly unfolded the piece of paper, and read the first name.

"In fifth place, Leocadia."

The excited screams coming from my right told me who that was. I turned to her and briefly looked her up and down. She had long blonde hair, and pink eyes. Yep, Mary Sue.

I cleared my throat and continued. "In fourth place, Philomena."

Again, excited screaming showed me which one she was. She had red hair tied up in a bun, and forest green eyes. She looked like she was about to faint from excitement.

I smiled at her and she grinned back.

"In third place, Fiorella."

This time she yelled loudly and ran up to me, right before giving me a hug. I awkwardly patted her on the back before she released me. Her violet eyes shone with happiness, her curly brown hair flying in every direction.

"In second place, Genoveva."

She floated over to me before gracefully landing on her feet. Ok, she was a Supersue. Her hair was white, her eyes blue. It created quite the contrast against her olive skin, much like Fiorella's eyes.

"And in first…"

The rest of the Sues held their breath, each hoping that they had come first.

"Siamorpha?"

My normally quiet and composed bodyguard shrieked with delight and ran up to me. Her tail waved energetically, and her ears kept twitching. She looked like she was ready to explode any moment. I looked at her quizzically. "You're over twenty? I thought you were fifteen!" She grinned happily at me before replying. "Because I'm not human, I age slower. I'm over five hundred years old."

I gaped at her for a few seconds before composing myself. She was older than me! That was such a mindfuck that I wasn't quite sure how to process it. But I was happy that she would be coming with me, I had grown close to her.

I turned back to the crowd, and saw several crying Sues and many who looked very angry. I decided to address that before it became a real issue.

"Look, all of you. The next visit will be at the end of this semester. You will all get a chance. Don't hate the winners just because they won. One day, you will too."

My speech didn't seem to really calm anyone down, but no one was seething with hate anymore, so I thought that it had helped a little bit. I turned to the five winners, and gestured for them to follow me. "Come with me, we have a lot to talk about before we even start preparing for the journey."

The Sues were silent as we walked down multiple hallways towards my room. Even though they didn't say anything, I could practically hear them drowning in anticipation. Fiorella was almost skipping, she was bouncing so much. I inwardly smiled, but kept my stern look in place. I needed them to take me seriously if we were going to go to Rivendell together. I had studied hundreds of maps in preparation for this journey, and even learned a bit of swordplay. I didn't want anyone to die or get injured on the way, and they needed to listen to my instructions for that to happen.

We finally arrived in front of the huge door, which I quickly opened to let them in. The five girls looked around in wonder, and I briefly wondered what their rooms looked like. Didn't they also have huge rooms with clocks and no showers? From the way they were staring at everything, I guessed not.

I cleared my throat, instantly capturing their attention. Genoveva stopped hovering, and her feet touched the ground. I nodded approvingly before turning my attention to them as a whole.

"Alright, first of all, I would like to say that I am very proud of you all. You rose above the rest and excelled, even though previously you had never had any type of lessons."

I knew that I needed to give positive reinforcement before I got too stern. People always love to have their accomplishments recognized.

"However, we are about to travel to Rivendell. The journey will take several days, and for us to make it there safely I need you all to listen to my every word. If I tell you to run, you run. If I tell you not to make a noise, be quiet. It's dangerous out there, and I don't want any of you playing hero and getting yourself killed or injured."

Siamorpha opened her mouth to protest, but I gave her a stern look as I continued.

"My life is not worth any more than yours. Don't get yourself killed trying to save me, or something equally stupid. Do you all understand me?"

The five girls nodded, and I smiled.

"Good. Then, shall we start?"

We took about two days to prepare for the long journey to Rivendell. I tried to look calm, but on the inside I was listing all the things that could go wrong. The Sues were ignorant of my anxiety, and I tried to keep it that way. This journey was going to be hard enough without all of us worried.

I took one last look at the castle before slinging myself onto my ride. We were traveling by horse, because I really didn't want to hike for days with five Mary Sues. The other girls were all already on their horses, one of them that looked suspiciously like a unicorn. I rolled my eyes and nudged my horse forward.

Well, here goes nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! Sorry that I took so long with this update, I'll try to update once a week. A big thank you to the people that have left reviews on this story, it's always awesome to get feedback! I do have an idea of where I want this story to go, but I am open to suggestions. Well, anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter too!**

„No, Genoveva, don't eat that!"

I quickly grabbed the colorful berries out of her hands before she could stick them in her mouth. I took a closer look at them, and nodded. If she had eaten those, she would have gotten food poisoning. I shot an exasperated look at the Sue, and simply shook my head. Out of all the Sues traveling with me, Genoveva was the most powerful. Because of this, I thought that just _maybe_ she was also more intelligent. But no! Even after I told all of them not to eat anything that I hadn't looked at first, she was ready to poison herself. Maybe she had hoped that her prince charming would find her, and bring her to life with a kiss.

I broke out of my musings on Princes and Sues when I heard a painful slapping noise. I whipped around immediately, only to see a thin red mark on Fiorella's cheek. I sighed quietly, and headed towards her.

"I told you to be careful around the branches. We can't just trample everything in the forest under our feet, and it would take too long to trim all the trees."

With that last sentence I looked meaningfully at Sia, who had a habit of hitting any offending branch with her sword, thus effectively slowing us down. She looked at me sheepishly, and I turned away, satisfied.

I had been traveling with the Sues for about three days, and occurrences like these happened very often. I both dreaded and looked forward to arriving in Rivendell. Dreaded, because I still had to convince Elrond to set up a trade relationship between the Elves and the Sues. The fate of Middle Earth hung off of my ability to be convincing, and I wasn't very confident. Even though I had all those worries, I was almost desperate to reach the city. Why, you ask? It's because the Sues were driving me crazy! Every time we settled for the night, I was pestered with many questions that I really didn't want to answer. The first night had been particularly eventful, and I hoped I would never have to do something like that again.

" _Mother, where do babies come from?"_

 _I choked on my bread, inhaling several crumbs. Philomena stared at me curiously as I regained my breath. "What?" I croaked out, and Philomena shuffled closer._

" _You know, babies. Where do they come from? Are they made out of clay, or something?"_

 _I stared at her, while slowly shaking my head. Why on earth had she been thinking about this? I was not prepared at all to have this talk, but I guessed that it didn't matter. I giggled nervously. "Babies, uh, well, you see…" My face was red now, and Philomena looked at me a bit concerned. "Are you alright, mother? Are you too close to the fire?"_

 _I was about to answer, when I was cut off by Leocadia. "Of course they're not made out of clay! The fairies deliver them to your doorstep when you wish for a child. Everyone knows that!"_

 _I stared at Leocadia, my jaw hanging slightly. Fairies? Did they really not know about sex? Most Mary Sues had at least one steamy scene, were they just too young? I was about to start my speech on sex ed, when I was cut off again. This time it was Fiorella._

" _What are you two talking about? When you get married to your true love, you suddenly become pregnant! What's this about fairies?"_

 _By this time the three were in a heated discussion, and soon to be joined by Genoveva. "That's not true! Your mother must do a magic spell so that you'll become pregnant. Right, Mother?"_

 _Suddenly all eyes were on me, and I squirmed uncomfortably. "Well…" I began, my blush beginning to come back. "It doesn't exactly work like that…" I prepared myself again to give them the Talk, but I thrown slightly off track._

" _Oh, Mother! Can you make me pregnant?"_

" _Absolutely not! Now go to sleep, all of you!"_

It had been two days since that discussion, and I still hadn't told them about sex. I had a sneaking suspicion that Sia already knew, but I wasn't sure. I needed to tell them about the birds and the bees before Rivendell, but I kept putting it off. To be honest, I was dreading telling them, but I had to. I didn't want them getting taken advantage of while they were there, even though I knew that with elves the chances were slim. If the girls knew about sex, then it would be better for all of us. However, that still didn't stop me from procrastinating.

I suddenly got an image of the five girls prancing around Rivendell, flirty and half naked. I grimaced. Yep, I needed to tell them as soon as possible. I decided I would tell them now, or I knew that I would never have the courage to do it. I cleared my throat loudly, and gestured for them to crowd their horses around mine. They all looked at me curiously, and I braced myself for what would probably be a very awkward conversation.

"So, girls, it's time that you all found out how babies are made."

Their eyes widened, and Philomena looked like she was about to fall off of her horse. She opened her mouth, probably to ask a thousand uncomfortable questions. She didn't get the chance to ask her questions, though. Loud howls erupted from behind us, and I wasted no time.

"All of you, run as fast as you can along the road! It stretches for miles, don't stop until you can't hear the howls! Do not wait for me, go!"

The Sues quickly followed my orders, and their horses were running along the road just as the wolves came into sight. I hoped that they were normal wolves, and not wargs. Thankfully, I didn't have to deal with wargs that day. A group of five wolves emerged from behind the trees, and I urged my horse into a gallop. My heart beat erratically, almost bursting out of my chest. I could hear snarls and growls just behind us. I cursed under my breath, why couldn't I have a racehorse?

We involuntarily slowed down, my horse panting loudly. Now I could feel the breath of one of the wolves on my ankle. I urged my horse to speed up, but the poor thing was at its limit. I could see the Sues, far ahead of me. I narrowed my eyes, they seemed to be getting bigger. My eyes widened as I realized that they were coming back.

"Stupid Sues, haven't I gone over this multiple times?"

My complaints were cut off by a sharp pain in my lower leg. I cried out, and nearly fell off my horse. One of the wolves had nipped my leg, and it was starting to bleed. I don't think it had managed to sink its teeth in my leg, but it sure was trying.

By this time the Sues had caught up to me. I glared at them and tried to tell them to go back, but it was too late. The wolves saw them, and decided that they were much more interesting than me. The immediately started circling the five girls, and I froze. Genoveva was muttering something under her breath and moving her hands in a complicated pattern. I knew that she would be injured before she could finish her spell. The other girls weren't much better, all holding up some weapon or doing some magic. Normally weapons aren't a problem, but Mary Sues have a tendency to do really fancy moves. They would all be eaten before any of them even touched a wolf. I jumped off my horse, ignoring the pain in my leg, and grabbed my sword from the saddlebags. I wasn't really prepared for fighting, but I would have to anyway. One of the wolves turned towards me at hearing the sword unsheathe, and I quickly held my sword up in a defensive position.

Before the wolf could attack me though, a single arrow caught it in the eye. Using its moment of pain as a distraction, I quickly stabbed through its chest. Blood gushed out, and I felt the overwhelming urge to throw up. It dropped to the ground, and I swung back on my horse.

"Go! Now!"

We rushed away from the rest of the pack, galloping for what seemed like hours. Finally, when there were no more howls, I turned to the girls, my eyes dangerous.

"What did I say? You are extremely lucky none of you were injured, as stupid as you acted! I had the situation under control, and you blatantly ignored my orders! If none of you are going to listen to me on this journey, then we will all end up dead!"

I knew that I was a bit harsh, but in the heat of the moment I didn't really care. The five girls looked reasonably scolded, but I wasn't finished. I started to demount my horse.

"And you could-"

My leg gave out, and I fell to the ground. The searing pain was hard to ignore now. It felt like my leg was on fire, slowly burning up my strength. My vision became blurry, and I cursed under my breath. I shook my head a few times, trying to see clearly. I saw five figures above me, all shouting frantically. My resolve strengthened, and I slowly sat up. I was immediately assaulted by the five girls, each trying to help me in some way. I shooed their hands away, and leaned a bit on one of them.

"Mother, are you all right?"

Her answer was given to her as she saw the mess of blood on my leg. I heard a few screams, and then Genoveva was pushing them all away. "I will heal her!" She shouted loudly, and I winced. Maybe I should teach them that they didn't need to be so dramatic.

She put her hands directly on the bite, and I hissed with pain. She started chanting loudly:

"Sana eam crus! Aut sicut aliquid, quod, Im 'non satis certus quam is officina. Ne quaeso sit ea nobis ad insaniam convertunt."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I had taken Latin in college, something about that spell didn't quite seem right. Was that correctly translated? Was her grammar correct?

There were gasps from the other Sues, and I figured something must have changed. It didn't matter to me, my leg still felt horrible. Sia and Fiorella carefully helped me up, me cursing in foreign languages. Hey, it hurt a lot!

We were about two days away from Rivendell. For two days I spontaneously blacked out, woke back up, and made sure no one was dead. I was constantly worrying about the Sues, without me as supervision, a lot of things could go wrong. They could be eaten by bears, or attacked by bees. One of them was probably in danger the entire time, but I wouldn't know. Like I said, I was constantly drifting in and out of consciousness. I didn't know if this was right for a wolf bite, but I'd never been bitten by a wolf before. I still didn't know how I managed to kill the one wolf. Probably because of the adrenaline rush.

On the fifth day, we arrived. Apparently it was an impressive sight, the roaring waterfalls and beautiful nature. I wouldn't know, because I was barely conscious, strapped down to my horse. Our welcome was all a blur to me. I heard voices, and felt pain. I knew that I was being moved, but I could barely move one of my fingers. I guessed that I was just too exhausted.

I had one moment of clarity, where I looked around, and saw I was in a healing bed. A healer came towards me with a huge knife, and I promptly fainted.

The next time I woke up, it was a bit more relaxing. I was in an airy room with sunlight streaming through the windows. The sheets were soft and comfortable, and I leant back with a sigh. I was relaxed for approximately two seconds before my eyes popped open, and I remembered the Sues. I immediately started worrying about them. Where were they? Had they all made it to Rivendell safely? Were they currently in falling in love with some random elf?

All these questions shot through my head in less than a second, and I started to panic. Thankfully, at that very moment an elleth entered my room with a tray of food. As soon as she saw me though, she smiled serenely.

"You're awake. Does your leg ail you?"

The reminder of my leg caused me to rip the blanket off of my legs, and stare at my wound. There was no more blood, but there was a visible scar. I traced it slowly, staring at the ugly white lines. It was almost as big as my hand, that wolf had done more damage than I had originally thought. I swallowed the urge to throw up at the sight, and turned to the elleth watching me.

"Excuse me, but do you have any idea where my daughters are?"

She nodded. "Your daughters are exploring Imladris, Lady Nontle."

I thanked her, and experimentally put weight on my leg. There was no sharp pain like before, but it still felt a little strange. I put my other foot on the floor, and swung myself up. My legs held me upright, but I still felt unbalanced. I walked slowly over to the elleth, intending to ask about recovery and how long I had been here. As soon as I took my second step, I noticed what had seemed off. I had a limp! Not a huge one, it wasn't that obvious, but I had a limp! The elleth must have noticed my look of disbelief, because she went to my side, supporting me.

"The healers pronounced milady healthy, but unfortunately you will always have a small limp."

My mind tried to process what was going on as my body protested. I had a limp? I had never had anything like this happen to me, and I was having a hard time believing it.

My limp was momentarily forgotten as I caught a glimpse out of the balcony. I leant against the elleth as my breath was taken away. Rivendell really was beautiful. I had seen a few impressive sights, but nothing compared to this.

While I was distracted, the elleth took the opportunity the guide me back to the bed, and gently pushed me down into a sitting position. I was still stunned by the beauty of Rivendell, my brain struggling to keep up. The tray was placed carefully on my lap, and I looked down at the food. It looked something like a fruit salad, with colorful fruits. On the side there was a glass of water, and two pieces of toast. I eagerly started to eat the delicious breakfast.

Things were happening much too fast for me to process. The shock of the situation had left me slightly numb, so I was able to happily eat my breakfast. As soon as I had finished the last slice of toast, I sighed deeply and leant back onto the bed. I got a strange sense of déjà-vu, and then reality came crashing. I jumped up out of bed, nearly scaring the elleth to death in the process.

"I need to find my daughters, is there any way that we can find out where exactly in Rivendell they are?"

I realized that I had just referred to the Sues as my daughters for the second time. Did I really consider them my daughters? Sure, I cared about them, but daughters?

I didn't have time to ponder my question, because the elleth chose that time to answer.

"I believe they were last seen at the archery range. Shall I accompany you there?"

I nearly rolled my eyes, and stifled a groan. Of course they were near the archery range! Where else would all the good-looking elves be? They were probably getting themselves into a mountain of trouble right now. I wouldn't be surprised if I needed to chase away suitors. I nodded, and the elleth smiled.

"So be it. Follow me, please."

I followed her through twisting corridors and long hallways. Several elves passed us as we walked to the archery range, and I resisted the urge to gape at them. The movies hadn't done them justice at all. They seemed to have a kind of ethereal glow around them, and they all walked so gracefully that it looked as if they were floating. I didn't want to be rude, so I tried not to stare at them too obviously. I might not have done a very good job of it, though, because I caught a few amused glances from some of the elves that we passed by.

As soon as we arrived at the archery range, I saw the Sues. Leocadia was hanging onto an elf, chattering away. Philomena and Fiorella were both sending the same elf love-sick gazes. I felt bad for him, he looked rather stunned. Genoveva had a small crowd around her as she showed them her magical powers. I expected to see Sia also with some elf, but she sat at the stump of a tree, shy gaze upon an elleth on the other side of the range. I smiled slightly before putting on my best stern look, and marching up to the girls. It didn't look as impressive as I would have hoped, with my limp and all, but I got to them quick enough.

Sia was the first to see me. She jumped from the ground, and rushed towards me.

"Mother, you're alright!"

As soon as she said that, the other girls noticed me too. They all detached themselves from their 'friends' and ran towards me. I was assaulted by a thousand concerned questions, and I felt my annoyance slowly melt away. It was hard to stay angry at them when they were asking you if you felt better.

I quieted them all down quickly. "Now then, yes, I'm doing fine. No, my leg doesn't hurt. No, I'm not mad at you girls."

Those three answers answered most of their previous questions. I smiled at all of them, and was suddenly part of a group hug. The only thing I could see was Fiorella's bouncy hair, and I struggled not to inhale it. When they finally let go, I smiled at them again, though this time a bit weaker.

"Don't you worry about me, I'll be fine."

Meanwhile, Lord Elrond was watching the short reunion from a large window. He observed the way this 'Nontle' acted, and was slightly reassured. She seemed to care about her five daughters, which was always a good sign. He moved away from the window, and took a seat at his desk. Many of the elves had reported about her daughters' wondrous beauty, they did not seem like normal women. He briefly wondered how beautiful their mother must be to have given birth to daughters like that. He shook his head, that was not the goal of their visit here. He was to find out her intentions, and choose the best course of action.

After all, they could be spies from Sauron.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry that this is so late, school started and I was busy. Also, it didn't help that I had major writers block. I'll try to keep the updates consistent, but I'm not making any promises. Anyway, the real fun will start next chapter. I want to remind you guys that this is a** _ **humor**_ **fic, so the main theme will not be romance. Well, I hope that you enjoy this chapter, even if it is rather short.**

„Have we come to an agreement?"

I smiled at Lord Elrond before nodding.

"Yes, I think we have."

The girls and I had been in Rivendell for almost a week. Even though I had been injured, Lord Elrond and I were still able to talk about trade and other boring things. Even though I knew that now I would have to handle these sort of things, it was still terribly boring. I was almost desperate for it to be over. It was much worse than the weekly staff meetings.

We still had a day or two before we left, and now I could really enjoy myself. Between talking with Elrond and watching the Sues, I had never been able to explore Rivendell. It seemed that Elrond was very suspicious of me, and I had never really been left to my own devices. I almost always had someone with me, and two guards patrolled the hallway near my room. I wondered if that was normal, or just for me and the Sues. God knows they certainly need it.

I hummed cheerfully as I thought about the Sues. I had suspicions. Philomena seemed to always have a certain elf near her, and I was expecting him to ask about courting soon. It really was a bit cute to see all of the Sues exploring love and their feelings.

Speaking of exploring love, I turned the corner, and fell silent immediately. I took two steps back, and held back giggles. Sia was sitting on a bench, right next to the elleth from the archery range. They were speaking quietly, and I felt a weird bubble in my chest while looking at them. Sia had a shy smile on her face, and the elleth looked equally excited. I quietly crept past the two of them, grinning like an idiot. It was so weird seeing them fall in love, but it was amazing still.

The other three girls, Leocadia, Fiorella and Genova, didn't seem to have anything serious going on. Sure, they flirted here and there, but no falling in love. I was a bit grateful for that. As much as I loved seeing the Sues fall in love, it would be tedious (to say the least) to travel back home with five love-sick Sues. I was sure that Philomena and Sia would be enough work, even when we got back to the castle. There would be so many letters between Rivendell and our castle, that I would have to figure out some system for getting them delivered. I didn't want to have to rely on rangers that only passed by once a year.

All of these things were on my mind as I explored Rivendell, humming again. The nature here really was amazing, nothing in the USA compared to it. No, scratch that, nothing in my old world at all. I felt at peace here, no one rushed around, everything seemed calm and beautiful. Rivendell really did reflect the elves living in it. Serene and beautiful.

I was brought out my peaceful thoughts as I realized what I was humming. My smile turned to a frown immediately.

"Dammit! Are you kidding me? I thought I had gotten that stupid song out of my head!"

I must have looked a bit crazy, talking to myself and humming that stupid song. Ed Sheeran really doesn't get out of your head, does it? I guess not, it followed me even past the grave. I cursed under my breath as I tried to think of another song.

"Come on, Harper, there are lots of other songs to sing. What about…"

My face lit up as I remembered another song that had gotten stuck in my head for over a week. Ha, take that, Ed Sheeran!

"I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground…"

That night at dinner, Philomena kept on glancing at me nervously. I made eye contact, and she immediately looked away. I raised an eyebrow at her. What had her so skittish? I didn't have a chance to ask her though, because Lord Elrond engaged me in conversation about our journey back. We talked about the best routes, and our next meeting. He seemed friendly, and not as suspicious of me. Both of those reasons were enough for me to relax a bit. It was a bit stressful to talk to him, he was very intense. And by intense, I mean that he scared the shit out of me.

Somehow, the conversation turned to more personal topics. He talked a bit about his children. Elladan and Elrohir were twins, and Arwen came after them. He didn't talk at all about Aragorn, which didn't surprise me much. After all, he still didn't know me very well. It was a wonder that he had even agreed to meet with me. We were an unknown race of strange women, that was enough to raise suspicion.

Still, he trusted me enough to have a slightly personal conversation with me, so that was a good sign. However, I really wished that he hadn't asked all the questions that made me uncomfortable.

"Have you any good memories of your children when they were young?"

My brain quit on me momentarily as I struggled to find an answer.

"Um, we connected when they were older. That's when our bond really came into existence."

Elrond looked at me coolly, and I fidgeted nervously. My lie sounded bad even to me. If I thought that he would buy it for even one second, I was wrong.

He didn't do anything other than nod, and ask another question I couldn't answer.

"Ah, I see. Did they bond earlier with their father?"

I blushed a bit as I began to stutter.

"Well, uh, you see, their father…"

I trailed off awkwardly, hoping that he would ignore my horrible attempts at explaining. Unfortunately, you don't get everything you want.

"Ah, there is no king of the Ayasyas?"

I just nodded, and focused on my food. Elrond left it at that, but I could tell that he was still curious. Obviously, there was no race that only had females. Children had to come from somewhere. I could have said that magic was involved, but creating life tended not to work very well. It's hard to create something so complicated with magic.

My attention was drawn back to Philomena as she continued glancing at me every two seconds. By now, though, I had figured out what she was so nervous about. It really wasn't that hard to figure out, she looked at her elf friend each time after she looked at me. He kept on sending her reassuring glances, but it didn't seem to help much. I looked down and smiled. This would be extremely entertaining.

My smile faded as I saw at least three other elves glare at her 'friend' jealously. I brought my cup to my lips, and gulped twice.

This wasn't going to end well.

After dinner I practically ran back to my room, hoping that I wouldn't be stopped in the halls by multiple elves confessing their love for one of my 'daughters'. I speed-walked as gracefully as possible. I tripped over my dress multiple times, and almost fell over. I had almost made it to my door, when a figure stepped out of the shadows. It was Philomena's would-be lover. He bowed deeply to me, and I grimaced. Here goes nothing.

"Lady Nontle, could I take up a bit of your time?"

I was tempted to refuse and run to my room. I would have loved to see the look on that elf's face, but I didn't get to. I swallowed my grimace, and smiled painfully.

"Of course. How can I help you?"

He took another step towards me, and I internally flinched. Out of the corner of my eye I could see shadows moving closer to us. I had no doubt that this was about to get messy.

"It concerns your daughter."

"Is that so? Which one? I'm afraid I brought five with."

I smiled falsely, and concentrated on the figures coming closer to us. I had originally hoped that something like this wouldn't happen, but Mary Sues are very powerful. It seems that they could cause even elves to act irrationally.

He looked mildly confused as he replied.

"Philomena. Truly, her beauty surpasses even the brightest of stars, the most colorful of blooms, the most sturdy of oaks…"

My left eye started to twitch as he droned on about her beauty. He had a starry-eyed look, and his eyes were unfocused. He was staring off into the distance, and I used the opportunity to look behind us. I couldn't _see_ anyone, but I knew that they were there. How? Well, the small cries of outrage every time the elf uttered another sentence about Philomena were loud enough that I could hear them from where we were standing.

I interrupted the love struck elf quickly.

"Yes, she is beautiful. But what do you wish to say to me about her?"

His face became earnest. "I wish to ask your permission, your permission to court your daughter."

That was going too far. The figures that had been formerly hiding in the shadows now tumbled out, crying in outrage.

"She shall never court you, filthy swine!"

"And I suppose she will court you, lubberwort!

"Neither of you are deserving of Philomena! She is mine, and mine alone!"

I stared at the four elves as they shouted at each other, unable to process how they were being so stupid. I coughed once, trying to get their attention, but was ignored. I coughed louder, and was ignored again. By this time I was growing annoyed. They were causing a scene! In the hallway! Where anyone could see them! My anger slowly boiled over, until I had finally had enough.

"All of you! Quiet!"

The hallway fell deathly silent, and I stormed past them. I flung open the door to my room, and pushed them all inside. They all looked a bit scandalized, but mostly just afraid.

"After that display in the hallway, you all will be lucky if I let one of you even _speak_ to Philomena again! I have no use for suitors who love only for beauty, and neither does she! You will all have to prove yourself to me before even touching my daughter!"

With each sentence, the elves looked more and more ashamed of themselves. They had calmed down significantly. I now realized that giving the Sues this kind of freedom might not have been a good idea. The suitors were almost ready to kill each other, and after knowing Philomena for only a week! I hadn't thought enough about this situation, and now I was seeing the consequences. I needed to have all future suitors prove themselves to me somehow, so that none of my girls would end up with a possessive husband who only loved them for their looks. How on earth was I going to do this? I was beginning to crack under the pressure of everything that I needed to figure out.

The four would-be suitors seemed to see that I was about to have a panic attack, and I was rushed to my bed, each one of them trying to make a good impression.

"Does your head ail you?"

"Your stomach?"

"Your heart?"

I finally snapped.

"Yes, in fact, I have four very horrible headaches. And they're all in my room!"

I practically snarled at them, and they all rushed out of the door. It slammed behind them, and I screamed into the pillows. How was I supposed to do this? I had never had kids before, and especially not super powered ones. There were so many things that I had to be careful of, and so many things that had to happen. And to add on to the stress of the girls, I had my own problems to deal with. I would be lying to say that I wasn't a bit jealous of the Sues. Philomena had four elves falling all over her in under a week, whereas I had never had a serious relationship . To be frank, it sucked. Logically, I knew that it was just because of their powers, but my heart still hurt. It was wrong to be jealous of my daughters, but I was. I wanted someone to love me forever, just like everyone else seemed to have.

I forced myself to stop thinking about loneliness, and focused on my girls. I would have to do something about the situation before it got out of control. I snorted as I imagined something akin to the scene in 'Brave' where her suitors compete for her hand. Yeah, let's have the elves fight each other at archery, that'll work out real well…

Wait.

I grinned as an evil glint came into my eyes. It might work, it certainly would be effective…

I swung myself off of the bed as I rushed around the room, looking for paper and something to write with. I grabbed the items, and sat down at the desk in my room. I started working on my idea, comparing pros and cons, and working out the details. I hadn't introduced the Ayasyas to any other kingdoms, but word traveled fast in Middle Earth. I had no doubt that I would being meeting more than just elves in the future.

I grinned again as I started the first letter.

Let's see how they like this.


	6. Chapter 6

_Most esteemed Lord Dain of the Iron Hills ,_

 _I, Lady Nontle of the Ayasyas, cordially invite you to a important celebration and festival. As I wish to connect with all Kingdoms of Middle Earth, you are most heartily welcome. You may bring a company of any size with you, our lodgings are adequate for any party._

 _This festival is to celebrate the coming of age of many of my daughters. The celebration will last for two weeks time. My daughters' suitors will join in competitions and games for their lady's favor. This will be their chance to prove themselves worthy to myself._

 _If your Lordship has any young men seeking to take part in these competitions, they are most welcome to join._

 _Most sincerely,_

 _Lady Nontle of the Ayasyas_

Dain quirked an eyebrow as he read through the recently received letter. It certainly wasn't a situation that he had ever been in before. In all of his years as lord, nothing like this had ever happened to him. A new race, and an invitation to coming of age festivals. This 'Lady Nontle' had practically told him to bring suitors for her daughters!

He briefly wondered what this invitation could mean. Was it a trap, meant to capture the dwarven lord, and hold him ransom? Or was it simply what it said it was, a very strange invitation?

Even though Dain knew that it possibly a trap, he had never been one to stand down from a challenge. These Ayasyas also filled him with curiosity, and those two elements together were enough.

"Prepare for a journey!"

 _Most esteemed Elvenking…._

… _Lord Elrond of Rivendell…_

 _...Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel…_

… _King Fengel of Rohan…_

… _King Ondoher of Gondor…_

… _King under The Mountain…_

Thorin Oakensheild stared at the letter that had just been given to him. His body was frozen in shock, and his mouth hung slightly open.

He and his people had been living in the Blue Mountains ever since the fall of Erebor. It wasn't an easy life, but they had turned it into a prosperous settlement. King he might be, but lazy he was not. He had made sure to do everything he could for his people, and he had been rewarded. They hadn't had any particularly harsh winters lately, and attacks were rare.

That being said, he really wasn't expecting this letter.

First of all, no one called him 'King under the Mountain' anymore. Occasionally he was called 'My King' by one of the dwarves, but never by a foreigner. Second, how did this woman know where to find him? He hadn't exactly advertised his home to the rest of Middle Earth. And why did she send _him_ an invitation? He wasn't rich, and his kingdom had been overthrown. He was only theoretically a person of importance.

He read over the letter again. She had included directions to her kingdom along with the invitation. It seemed that she was near Eriador. It wouldn't be the longest journey he'd ever gone on, but it wouldn't be short.

He shook himself out of his thoughts. He wasn't going to make any decision about this letter until he had talked it over with the others.

He folded the letter, and placed it in his pocket. Thorin Oakenshield walked out the door, his mind full of suspicions.

"Ah! What is this mess?"

If you had seen me in that moment of dignity, you would have wondered why I was sitting on the floor, covered in paint and surrounded by small girls. If you had asked me what I was doing in that situation, I probably wouldn't have answered.

However, you weren't there, so I have to explain now.

Earlier that day, I had been begged by one of the girls to draw a picture of her. My art skills were minimum at best, but I agreed. What followed was chaos. Somehow I started to talk about finger-painting, and then everyone wanted to try it out. I didn't think it would be a problem, but I hadn't counted on the girls being so full of energy.

Currently, I was covered in splotches of paint, a few of the girls were chasing each other around, and the room was a mess. Paint on the walls, paint on the floor, it was bad.

I turned around sharply as I heard another scream. One of the girls had gotten paint smeared all across her face, and was trying to hit the other girl. I stood up and quickly wove my way through the crowd of girls. As soon as I got to the two, I separated them and sent them to opposite sides of the room. I pushed my hair out of my face, and sighed deeply. I felt very old in that moment. Small children were exhausting.

I smiled tiredly as I looked at the crowd of girls again. I really didn't care about the exhaustion, they were worth it. I, understandably, never thought that I would say this, but I was the proud single mother of over 200 Mary-Sues. Yeah, that sounded better in my head.

It was true, though. I really did love all of these girls, and it made my plan for the next few months even more attractive. My plan had originally been a way for me to handle all of the Sues would-be suitors, but now it had turned into something different. I didn't want them to end up with people that didn't really love them, and this was my way to test their suitors. On the outside, it was simply a competition of skill, but secretly it was much more than that.

I had a secret set of tests that I would put every serious suitor through. Small situations, where I would be able to see their reactions. They would never be around the Sues for these tests, so that I could be sure that the reactions were genuine. I had also set up a bunch of bugs all over the castle that I had gotten from a high-tech Mary Sue. You know, police officer/spy falls into Middle Earth? One of those.

Apparently, I was having way too much fun with this. Even though I had only gotten affirmations back from Elrond and Dain, it hadn't been that long, so I was counting on getting more. I knew that Dwarves and Men would be harder to convince, and that Thranduil might be suspicious of me, so I was content to wait.

Planning made me happy. I'd always liked to plan events, and now I had a huge one to arrange. I needed to arrange housing, food, and the competitions. I would be very busy for the next few months, and I wouldn't have enough time to worry about my parenting skills, or accidentally changing something important. If I kept busy, then I would be too tired to have an anxiety attack.

I was distracted from my thoughts as I looked at the clock on the wall. I quickly stood up, and cursed under my breath.

"Shit, shit, I'm late, shit."

I hurried out of the room, signaling for Jaazah to take care of the girls. She nodded back, and I continued on my trek through the many corridors. I went down a dimly lit hallway, and backtracked.

"Huh? Was that right…"

I turned around and entered the other hallway, trying not to trip on the plush carpet. I had promised some of the older girls that I would meet with them today, and I was already fifteen minutes late. They wanted to talk to me about something important, and I was trying to be there for them. However, when you have over 200 people that you are responsible for, things can get a little confusing. You know, one minute you're talking about grades, and the next you're playing tag with ten year-olds. Ok, maybe my situation wasn't that relatable, but hey, no one was judging!

After running for a few more minutes, I finally found the familiar door. My breathing was loud and unstable and I knew that the girls inside could hear me. I knocked softly, almost slumping against the door in exhaustion. You would think that with all the running around I do, I would get used to it. It turns out that I will just be a pathetic runner forever.

I stumbled when the door was suddenly flung open, and I was assaulted by a bright stream of light. I squinted painfully, and held my hand up in front of my eyes. Apparently this place had electricity too, and after months of doing everything by daylight, the harsh electric light was hard on my eyes. I attempted to walk in gracefully, still squinting and half blind. I got halfway through the door before tripping on something, and almost falling over. My eyes slowly adjusted to the light, and I carefully opened them.

There were about ten girls in the room, all of them looking to be sometime in their thirties. A few of them had small animals in their laps, and some of them had guns. Yeah, you can't say that Mary Sues don't have diversity.

Despite their varying looks and styles, the Sues all had one thing in common, they were all looking at me expectantly. I smiled weakly, and sat down on the couch closest to me. They all seemed to be waiting for me to do something, and I stared blankly at them. What on earth did they want me to say? No one had told me what they wanted to talk about, I had just been asked to come! The seconds ticked by as I awkwardly waited for one of them to say something.

Finally, the silence was broken.

"So, are you ready?"

I turned my head to meet the gaze of one of the Sues. She had black hair, and blue eyes. She also looked like she had went to a beauty pageant, and never changed her clothes. Her makeup was done flawlessly, and she wore a dark blue dress. I raised an eyebrow at her question.

"Ready for what? No one informed me of what we were doing."

All at once, they all started talking. Apparently they had caught wind of the fact that we would be having guests, and they wanted to know all about it.

"How do you make yourself appeasing to an elf?"

"Is there any way to become pregnant after holding hands?"

"Am I allowed to touch a main character?"

At first I was stunned by all of their questions, but I quickly snapped out of my daze.

"Don't know. No, Silvia Maroon Emerald, you can't just by holding hands. No, none of you are allowed to touch a main character either. We will all stay far away from them romantically. I wouldn't want Bilbo not to find the Ring just because one of you did something stupid."

They had quieted down considerably, but I could see that they were still bursting with questions. I sighed and pointed to the Sue farthest to the left. "You can start. One question at a time, though."

She happily obliged, her high voice sounding almost childlike as she spoke.

" Does it count as romance if we just have a one night stand?"

My eyes widened, and I slapped my forehead so hard that I started to see stars. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, and then looked at her.

"None of you are to be in any way involved with one of the main characters. I don't care if you think they're really hot, who knows what it'll mess up if they fall in love. Major events still need to happen, so none of you are sleeping with any of them."

There were multiple groans and mumbled protests from around the room. I hoped that I had made it clear to them, I was starting to worry for the safety of certain characters. Ahem, Kili, Fili, Legolas… Yes, I hoped that the Sues kept a wide berth from those particular characters. It might cause fights if they didn't.

I cleared my throat and pointed to the next Sue. "Your turn."

She stepped up, her short red hair falling in her face. She gracefully pushed it back from her face, and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you in love with anyone, Mother?"

I froze as I heard her question, my brain refusing to acknowledge it. Whispers broke out across the room, and I was eagerly pounced on.

"Ooh, what's his name?"

"Or her, don't assume stuff."

"Is it an elf?"

"Dwarf?"

"Man?"

"Or maybe-"

I cut the Sue off, starting to see a pattern in this conversation.

"I'm not in love with anyone! I've never even been in love!"

The room was oddly silent as multiple wide eyes stared at me. They were staring at me as if I had just kicked their puppy, and insulted their favorite TV show.

"You've…never been in love?"

The question was whispered, but that did nothing to dispel the tangible tension in the air. I didn't understand why that was such a big deal, lots of people hadn't fallen in love until their late thirties, it wasn't like I was the only one. However, they were all staring intensely at me, their expressions ranging from surprise to pure horror.

I shrugged casually. "No, not yet."

The first girl gasped and the others gaped at me. I shifted uncomfortably.

"Why? Is that bad, or something?"

My questions seemed to snap them out of their daze, and I was shocked by what came next.

"But, if you've never fallen in love, how are you happy? Isn't the meaning of life to fall in love, and have lots of kids? That's the most important thing in the universe!"

The other girls were nodding along as the Sue's voice got louder, her expression panicked. I shook my head violently, and shot her a sympathetic look.

"No, sweetie, that's not the meaning of life. Of course, it's great to have someone who loves you, but that's not what life is about."

Her eyes widened as her brain tried to process what I was saying. She shook her head vigorously, stumbling over her words.

"But…"

I gently pulled her to my side, and rocked her back and forth. "It's ok, I understand…" I soothed her, holding her in my arms. While this would have been a huge overreaction for a human, it wasn't for a Mary Sue. They had certain facts programmed into their brain, and it was hard to get rid of them. Anytime they found out that one of those facts were false, they had a sort of mental meltdown. I had encountered this earlier when I had started educating the Sues. The Suethors had filled their mind with so much junk, that it had been hard to get them to learn anything at all. The meltdowns ranged from surprised stares to full-on panic attacks, depending on what the contradicting fact was. I had seen this multiple times already, so it shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.

I shook my head, breaking out of my thoughts, before I slowly rocked her back and forth. I mumbled comforting words into her hair, and fervently wished that I could help her more than just promises. However, life doesn't always work like that, and we were left on the floor, one of us in hysterics, and the other trying their best to calm the crying girl down.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm sorry guys for the huge wait on this. I had to get through all of my finals, and then had almost no time to work during vacation.**

If there was one thing that I was, it was a planner.

I loved to plan things, from a simple bake sale to a full blown-out festival. Thus, having to plan everything for our guest's arrival should have come naturally to me. There was one drawback however: I had to plan, yes, but I also had to take care of 200 Sues at the same time. It seemed that any time I sat down to really plan things, something else came up. It would be to late to cancel my master plan now, I had already received letters from all of the kings and lords affirming their stay. To cancel now would be seen as a serious insult, and would ruin any chance of me communicating with other kingdoms. So, it seemed that I would have to deal with the Sues and planning at the same time.

I had just settled a fight between two girls over some silly thing, when Jaazah stepped into the room and handed me the full program for their stay. It included activities, the meals we would need to prepare, where the accommodations would be, and so on. The biggest problem lay with finding rooms for all of the people who would be visiting us. I had found a Sue with magical powers, and she was busy building houses and rooms for them, but things still weren't moving fast enough. I needed some way to accelerate the pace of things, unless I wanted to be unprepared when our guests came. That would be just as humiliating and insulting as having to cancel on them.

Jaazah explained everything to me as we walked to the throne room: Who was going to prepare what, when and how. I listened as closely as possible, every now and then adding a remark or improvement to the list.

"Are you sure that we will have as much meat available as other foods? Elves aren't particularly fond of meat, though they do enjoy certain types. However, if we don't have enough meat, the dwarves and men will not be satisfied. We need to play to each race's interests and preferences. On that note, house the dwarves near the mountains, or whatever that mass of stone is. The elves should be more in the open, and the men in the middle. They will stay in normal enclosures and houses, no need to build anything out of the ordinary for them. And who will be in charge of decorating the rooms?"

"Raven Maria Emerald, milady."

"Have her decorate the rooms for the dwarves with furs and more rustic tones. Lots of warm colors, you understand?"

"Yes, milady."

"You really don't have to call me that."

She nodded respectfully, but there was a hint of a smile on her face.

"Alright…milady."

I sighed and shook my head as a small smirk spread across her face.

"Whatever, it's too early for this."

We turned down another corridor, and entered the throne room. I continued informing Jazzah how to decorate the rooms as she furiously took notes on a piece of parchment.

"Open windows for the elves, light fabrics, bright colors. Decorative rugs, but nothing to heavy, alright? For the men just stick with basic tones. Find a good middle ground. And for all of the rooms, especially those of the kings, lords and ladies, decorate expensively. Don't go too heavy in the elves' room though, decorate tastefully. Men and dwarves are more likely to be impressed with vast amounts of jewels than elves."

I glanced at the parchment that was completely covered in Jaazah's neat handwriting.

"Did you get that all down or should I repeat something?"

She nodded as she packed away her supplies into the leather satchel by her side.

"Yes, milady, I have taken note of everything you told me. However I do have one question: Would you prefer the archery range be set up near the forest, or the hills? Both provide unique challenges."

I stared at her stupidly as I thought about the decision.

"Um, uh, the one that is the most challenging."

"Alright then. Well, I will see you later milady and inform you of the days work. Until then, you must go to the seamstress for fittings, and decide who will sit with you at the head table. When you have made your decision, inform me and I will have it arranged. Oh, yes, and I will have to ask for your advice in the seating chart as well. However, that will have to wait."

She bowed once to me before taking off through the hallways. She was surprisingly competent for a Sue, she was so helpful to me. Always having everything organized, with her by my side everything would go smoothly.

I smiled at her retreating form before remembering what she had told me. I would have to go to the seamstress for fittings. I stifled a groan and felt like hiding in my room. The seamstress was friendly enough, too friendly. She would talk, and talk, and talk for hours on end while she took my measurements and fitted different outfits on me. It was quite a tedious situation, but thankfully I only had to be fitted every once in a while. However, with this big event coming up, apparently I had to have a new outfit for each day the guests were here. It would take hours, hours where all I would be doing would be standing on a stool. My legs protested just thinking about it, but I forced myself to start of through the corridors, and down the winding staircase that would take me to the evil lair. As soon as I was within two feet of the room, I could hear the bustle of chatter and people moving about. I pulled myself together before knocking twice and entering. No sooner had I put a foot in the room before I was attacked by the seamstress and her assistants, all ushering me up onto the stool, and rapidly beginning their work. And with their work came gossip, lots and lots of gossip.

"So, milady, I heard that King Thranduil was invited along with all of the Mirkwood elves. He's very handsome, you know, and his wife died long ago. Poor thing, broke his heart, it did. No matter though, I'm sure you would have no problem catching his eye."

The room erupted in giggles, and I could feel my face slowly turn red.

"Now look-"

"I've heard that he loves silver jewels like starlight. I happen to have exactly such a fabric. We shall make you a dress of the finest cut, and adorn it with diamonds. That should put his and the attention of all others on you. His mostly though."

There was another bout of giggles, and I found myself smiling shyly. I knew that nothing was going to happen between any of the guests and myself, so why not let then have their fun.

"We shall braid your hair finely, and twist silver into the braids. He won't be able to keep his eyes off of you!"

I rolled my eyes, however the smile still stuck on my face.

"I'm sure King Thranduil has much better things to do than ogle foreign queens. Besides, elves have very high standards, and humans normally don't quite live up to those."

"Well, milady, you're not completely human, are you? Certainly you at least will live longer than the average human. Anyone can see that."

There were murmurs of agreement as they continued to measure me from head to toe. I shrugged noncommittally and focused on deciding who would be sitting at the head table with me. Definitely Sia, she was my personal bodyguard after all. However, other than her, I had no idea who was going to sit with me. Probably Jaazah. I couldn't really function without her. That still left room for one more. Who else?

I was brought back to reality as I realized the girls were talking about me again.

"What of King Fengel of Rohan? Horse lords are so dreamy, tall, muscular, blonde, what more can you ask for?"

"We shall leave her hair down, as is the fashion in Rohan, and dress her accordingly. Why should she not appeal to all the lords?"

"Dwarves are tempted and lured by jewels and precious stones. We shall make a dress with red velvet, furs, and rubies. That will certainly make a statement, especially in spring!"

"None of them will be able to tear their eyes away from her!"

I teasingly sighed and shook my head disapprovingly.

"You all would have me surrounded by wealthy and powerful suitors. And even if such a thing were to happen, how on earth would I pick one? I can be very indecisive, you know."

It was quiet for a few seconds before a loud voice spoke from the back.

"There are such things as affairs, milady."

The whole room burst into laughter, the older ones trying to shush the others even as they themselves laughed. For a moment I stood there, shocked, but after hearing their laughter I began to join in.

"So not only would you have me marry a wealthy lord or king, you would have me have multiple affairs with men equally as powerful? What am I to do with all of you?"

After reigning in their laughter, the seamstresses all quickly got back to work, and a few hours later, I was released. Jaazah and Sia were both waiting for me outside, both directly in my line of sight as I stepped out. Sia took up her position on my right, and Jaazah hers on my left. She immediately pulled out several long lists, and read them to me.

"All of your notes on the room décor have been delivered and started on, the places for the dwarves, elves and men have been marked off, and the archery range set up. Have you come to a final decision as to who will sit with you at the head table?"

I nodded slowly, with a half-grimace on my face.

"You and Sia will both sit with me, however I can't think of anyone else. Do you have any suggestions?"

A look of deep concentration settled on her face as she thought about the different options. We walked down the hallways in silence, Sia breathing quietly beside me. After about five minutes Jaazah sighed, and turned to me.

"If you cannot think of anyone else, then you do not have to invite anyone else. It will leave more room at the head table, which is always good. I still need your help with the seating chart, though. I have a few suggestions on how to place everyone that I would like to present to you."

I nodded and we turned the corner back to the throne room. Honestly, I almost never spent more than ten minutes in that room, but I kept on going back and forth from the other rooms. It was getting quite tiring.

As we entered, Sia branched a bit off to the side to talk to the two guards at the door. Jaazah however, marched on right next to me.

"Do we want to seat Ayasyas all next to each other or spread them out? The men will be sitting at these tables, the dwarves at these, and the elves at these."

She pointed at the respective tables as she spoke. I nodded, following along. I took one more look at the chart before making my decision.

"We will seat the Ayasyas at their own tables, do not put them too near to any of the others."

She scribbled around on the chart for a few seconds before nodding, and exiting the room. I stood in front of my throne before realizing what I had done again.

"Really? We walk all this way just to talk for two minutes?"

I grumbled under my breath as I also exited the room, Sia close beside me. We walked in silence to my room, where I said goodnight and closed the door. I turned around, expecting to see my room, but a very different sight greeted me. Everywhere, there were dresses. A few girls were working on putting them away, but still almost every surface in the room was drowning in expensive fabrics. I carefully made my way across the room to one of the girls, and tapped her on the shoulder. She swung around immediately, and greeted me with a smile.

"Sorry to bother you like this, but we worked very hard on these today, so we got them done early. Of course, this is only about a third of the outfits that we are making, but still, we decided to get them put away sooner than later."

I looked around the room, flabbergasted.

"This is only a third? Is my closet big enough for this?"

She laughed loudly, as if I had said something ridiculous.

"Of course there's enough room! We put a magical expansion charm on it long before you arrived!"

I dumbly nodded, and she took that as her cue to continue working. "Right." I muttered as I flopped down onto the one chair that wasn't covered. "Don't mind me, then."

As I watched them work on putting all of it away, I wondered how on earth they had gotten it all done so quickly. "Probably magical Sue powers." I mumbled as I took note of the complicated embroidery on some of the dresses. It would have taken a human seamstress and her team years to make all of this, and they had gotten it done in less than a day! And this was only a third!

As the sun came from behind the clouds again, the room was filled with light. Several bright colored lights danced through the room. They were all from the rhinestones and other sparkly things, of course. A silver gleam caught my attention out of the corner of my eye, and I groaned. It was a dress, made out of fine silver material, and decorated with diamonds. They really had been serious about making that dress. As long as it didn't cause any problems for me, I was fine with keeping it and maybe even wearing it once or twice. I imagined the look on Thranduil's face if he thought that I was trying to catch his attention. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't wear it around him.

A loud knock sounded at the door before three more girls came in. They were all carrying a huge trunk, and looked a bit worn out.

"Where should this go?" They asked one of the girls putting away the clothes, and she pointed to next to my chair.

"Let the lady sort through them all, and pick which ones she likes. The rest go back into the store."

They nodded and hauled the chest over to my chair, before setting it down with a loud _thump_. "Well, miss, you sort through them as you see fit. Of course, your stylist will pick a few pieces to go with your main outfits, but other than that, you can chose any that you wish."

They both curtsied to me before hurrying out of the door. I raised an eyebrow at the chest before unlocking it and swinging it open. Bad idea. You know how I told you that the sun was already reflecting off of all the shiny dresses? Yeah, that wasn't that bad. But as soon as I opened that chest, I was blinded by the sun reflecting off of hundreds of jewels. I quickly shut it again, but the black spots in my eyes remained. I sat there and blinked my eyes for about two minutes before I could see clearly again. I opened the chest again,, however this time I turned it away from the window, and into the shade. The chest was full to the brim with jewelry. Necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings and more.

I sighed as I looked at the chest and then my wardrobe. I guessed that there was a whole new branch of planning for this that I hadn't even looked at yet.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Finally, we get to the action. The plot really starts to take shape, and the story branches off into other genres than just humor.**

" _What is the purpose of this? There is more here than just a festival. Did you think no one would notice, silly girl? You never thought I would see you, nay, you thought it impossible. Trapped away by my actions, hiding from the world."_

 _He leaned over me, fire dancing dangerously in his eyes. I backed up against the wall, breath quickening and mind racing for a way to get out of this situation._

" _I see you now, child. You should have known better than to play with fate."_

"Come, mother, they're arriving!"

"I know, I know, I'm on my way!"

I rushed down the steps, my entourage following closely behind. We hurried across the courtyard towards the gate, where a huge crowd had gathered. Guards stood to either side of the gates, forming a pathway through the crowd. The square was decorated with bright reds and oranges, the colors of our crest.

 _Red and orange twisted in his eyes, forming an eerie dance of color and danger. I knew that I would have to answer him, but the words stuck in my throat. He noticed my fear, and chuckled darkly._

" _Yes, now you see the threat I pose towards you, and your pathetic daughters. You were too filled with pride and self-assurance, thinking that you could keep me away. How could you, when your castle is filled with all that entices me?"_

We heard them before we saw them.

The sound of horses and boots, accompanied by horns and heralds. Their banners were raised high, one for every kingdom, one for every leader. Slowly, they all came into sight. Hundreds of beings, traveling across the fields, coming closer with every second. My heartbeat sounded in my ears, and my breath caught in my throat. I would have to be a queen today, I would have to convince hundreds of people that I wasn't a fake, and that I was trustworthy. I had to lie through my teeth to some of the wisest people existing, people who had lived for thousands of years.

I stood up straighter and held my hair high. I did look the part of a queen, dressed in dark blue, pearls circling my neck. The dress was embroidered in silver, figures that seemed to run away before you could make them out. My dark hair was pulled up behind my head by an elegant net of pearls and fastened by silver pins. My feet were covered by my dress, the train of which lightly scraped the ground. Underneath my elegant dress, I wore sturdy boots, with a knife slipped into the right heel.

 _My silence aggravated him, the formerly frightening pose becoming threatening as he slowly lost his patience._

" _Have you nothing to say, little queen? I have found you out, and now I will take what is yours."_

 _I breathed deeply, my hand slowly inching down my leg._

" _I accept defeat."_

 _He blinked in surprise before grinning maliciously._

" _So you are not as prideful as I thought. Perhaps you are in awe of me."_

 _My hand grasped the knife in my boot as I nodded and stared into his eyes._

" _I would never presume to be anything less than a worm compared to you."_

 _He drew back a bit, seeming pleased._

" _You know your place. You humans are predictable, always humbling yourself in front of the more powerful. You have always been the same, and will always be the same. Nothing you do can surprise-"_

 _I lunged forward, and kissed him. He stumbled back in surprise, but before he could react I plunged the knife into his neck and jumped away. I started to run as fast as I could. I could hear his cries of rage behind me, and feel the flames licking my heels._

" _You can run, little one, but you cannot escape."_

The first that I greeted were the elves, their ethereal beauty shining like a beacon. I greeted Lord Elrond with a smile, wishing him and his entourage a pleasant stay. Mirkwood was next, with the Elvenking standing at least half a foot taller than me. We greeted each other formally, him regarding me with well-hid suspicion. Lastly came Lothlorien. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, the former of which could read minds.

My façade broke for a moment as my heart plunged into my stomach. If Galadriel decided to take a peek in my head, there would be no stopping her from finding out about everything . My inner turmoil was nowhere to be seen as I greeted her, although I knew that she probably sensed it. She gave me a knowing look, and my heart stopped. She fixed me with her piercing stare, and I held my breath. Seconds seemed like hours, but she finally moved on. I slowly let out a breath, composing myself enough to greet the next lord or lady.

When I looked back up, I was met with another set of piercing eyes. Icy blue eyes regarded me suspiciously, and I was struck with how much Thorin Oakenshield and Thranduil had in common.

He approached me slowly, eyes raking over me as he analyzed my every feature. I welcomed him with a smile.

"Welcome, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain. I trust your journey has not been too unpleasant?"

He seemed slightly shocked by my happy disposition, but his features quickly melted into stern once more.

"As pleasant as it can be to travel this distance."

His answer caught me slightly off guard, but I continued to smile at him.

"Well, then one should be thankful for that. Annalena will escort you to your room," Here I gestured to the woman next to me. "and your company will also be accommodated.

He studied me briefly once more before nodding and turning to Annalena. As she led him away, I was struck with how little he had said. Surely he knew that he had just snubbed me, right? He was raised as royalty, did he do that on purpose?

I decided to think about Thorin Oakenshield later, and focus on greeting the rest of the royals now.

 _I raced through the corridors, the fire right behind me. My skirts were bunched up in my hands, enough of my legs showing to give an elf a heart attack. I could feel, hear and almost see him behind me. I knew that he would leave me alone as soon as I reached another person, he wouldn't dare try anything._

 _He must have known what my plan was, because he quickly covered the door in front of me in a wall of fire. I veered off to the left, blood pounding in my head. I shouldn't be there, it was the wing for the elves. I hoped that I wouldn't run into anyone too important, otherwise it could turn out very awkward later on._

 _I heard footsteps on the wooden floor, and thanked God. I quickly turned the corner, and almost ran smack-dab into the approaching elf. He started, and stared at me. I opened my mouth to explain, but I was cut off by my pursuer appearing around the corner. His black curls were a mess, but other than that he looked perfectly composed. He nodded to us, and walked past. I had won this round, but he wasn't going to give up quickly._

We gave our visitors time to settle down and explore before any of the major activities. The first competition would start the day after next , but until then, there was time to relax.

Well, time for everyone except me.

I was busy trying to pry my overenthusiastic daughters off of handsome young heroes.

Now, it's not like they were chasing them around with sticks, or ambushing them in corners, but I knew flirting when I saw it. An occasional glance, a shy smile, fluttering of lashes, you name it. I wasn't blind. I didn't know why they kept on blatantly flirting right in front of me. I'm single, not an idiot.

Almost every five minutes I had to pull a different girl aside, and remind her about the ground rules:

1\. No flirting with main characters.

2\. No falling in love with main characters.

3\. No sleeping with main characters

The last one had to be added on after a particularly awkward situation between two sues had come up. Both of them fighting over one character, saying that sleeping with them technically didn't count as loving or flirting.

My years as a teacher had not prepared me enough for this at all.

Some part of me felt slightly bad about 'ruining' their chances for love, but the rational part of me didn't care at all. Of course, I did care about their feeling, so I was never particularly harsh, but it wasn't like they could convince me with tears. I sure hoped I was doing the right thing.

I ran into many interesting characters while I was playing mother hen, for example Kili, Thorin's nephew. He showed absolutely no amount of regret when I pulled my daughter away from him, and winked at her while we walked away. The boy himself was quite cute, but his flirting made me want to tear my hair out. I had to listen to a 'love-struck' dwarrow recite flowery poetry about his blue eyes. Brown. Green? Ok, maybe I wasn't paying too much attention. Don't most dwarves dislike poetry?

Speaking of poetry, one of the craftier girls had snuck a Lothlorien elf a love potion, who then proceeded to serenade her in the oddest of places. Thankfully, no one but her (and me) saw him, and I was able to get him out of the bramble bush, and give him the antidote. The poor sod had no memory of what happened, and woke up covered in brambles. I really hoped that he hadn't told anyone else about his odd experience, or we would start to gain a bad reputation.

Through all of these odd recoveries and expeditions though, I did have a chance to speak with Sia about her elleth friend.

Ah yes, the elleth that she had been writing to non-stop since coming home from Rivendell. I hadn't really said anything to her about it, but anytime I saw her with pen and paper, I grinned a little. Ever since our guests had arrived, she had been strangely absent, and it wasn't hard to figure out why. However, I got a close-up of how far their relationship had progressed when I found them making out under a tree.

I stumbled upon them while looking for Jaazah, and my jaw dropped.

"Oh! Uh, God! I'm sorry, you're…kissing. Like, eating her face off. Ok, then, uh, you kids have fun!"

After making a complete fool of myself, I promptly turned around and walked away. Afterwards though, I did talk about what had happened with Sia:

"So, uh, you kissed."

"Yes."

"Well, don't be too enthusiastic! I'm your mom, you can tell me stuff!"

At this point in the conversation, Sia probably thought I wanted a _very_ detailed description, and slowly started to turn red. I watched with amusement as she spluttered.

"No, I mean yes, you're my mother, but, uh…"

Eventually I took pity on her, and silenced her with a hug.

"Don't worry, kiddo."

At first she stiffened, but after a few seconds she melted into my arms. I was struck by the sudden realization that some of these girls had never been hugged, and a bolt of fury rushed through me. At that moment I hated Suethors even more than usual.

All of this had happened in the short time before the first competition. That night I would be dining with all the nobles. Jaazah had helped me with the seating charts, so I wasn't worried about slighting anyone by putting them at the wrong table or something. No, I had much bigger things to be worried about. For example, I still hadn't come up with a good way to explain how I had over two-hundred daughters, all of them as different as can be, some with ears and tails, some of different races, and all of this without a spouse. Yeah, that might bring up some interesting questions.

No matter how nerve-wracking that was, I had another problem on my hands. Remember how the seamstress said she'd make every rich noble fall in love with me? (Or something like that) Well, she wasn't kidding. Apparently, word spread, and now there were about fifty girls dedicated to getting me a husband, and fifty that thought this was absolutely hilarious. I wasn't as concerned about their matchmaking efforts as I was about the possibility that they might seriously offend one of the nobles. I really hoped that they didn't' t accidentally start a war or something.

So now I had flirting Sues, matchmaking Sues and a bunch of nobles to lie through my teeth to. I almost felt that it was pointless. I should just go to sleep and watch Middle Earth burn.

I was brought out of my destructive dreams by a pin stabbing me in the head. I flinched slightly, before sighing and concentrating on sitting still. I was getting ready for dinner, at least, that's what I had been doing for the past two hours. I was not used to being this pampered. And by 'pampered', I mean that currently I was in a velvet seat, wearing a silk bathrobe and having my hair done. In front of me were at least ten dresses, each and every being thoroughly explained to me by Jaazah.

"We sent a good message this morning with the blue, it tells them that you're wise and truthful. But now we want to show that you have a backbone. Something a bit tighter, red or orange, to fit with the crest."

"A bit tighter? Wasn't the one I wore this morning tight enough?"

She continued with pulling dresses in and out of my wardrobe as she answered.

"We need to show that you're powerful, confident and not afraid to stand out. Besides, it never hurts to look a bit sexy."

She smirked a bit at the last part, before turning away immediately. I blinked in surprise. Jaazah wasn't one of the matchmakers, was she?

One hour, twenty dresses and six boxes of jewelry later, I was ready.

As I looked in the mirror, one thought came to mind.

"Holy shit, I look great."

Let me tell you this, when you're dressed in a sexy dress, and have bright red lipstick on, you feel pretty damn confident.

Too bad my boots didn't fit under the dress.

I put away all thoughts of my boots, and prepared myself for what was about to come.

We made our way to the dining hall, me feeling more confident with every step. I was a queen, dammit! I could do this.

Trumpets sounded, and the doors were flung open. I strode inside, a bright smile on my face.

"Kings and Queens, Lords and Ladies, it is my utmost pleasure to dine with you tonight, the night that marks the beginning of this wonderful celebration, and the beginning of what I hope will be a prosperous and joyful friendship."

Jaazah was right, there's never anything wrong with being a little sexy.


	9. Chapter 9

" _So, we meet again."_

" _Touch me, and I'll shove a knife so far down your throat that you'll never breathe fire again."_

 _He raised an eyebrow at me, an arrogant smirk spreading across his face. I mirrored his stance, and was rewarded by the flash of annoyance in his eyes._

" _So, the queen is not as blind as she seems."_

 _My jaw tensed, my eyes shredding him to pieces. My words came out colder than ice._

" _So, the worm is not as cowardly as he seems."_

 _The arrogance on his face was quickly replaced by fury. He snarled at me and took a step forward. I quickly held up the knife in my hand as warning. He stopped for a moment, clearly remembering the last time we had met. I kept my eyes on him, surveying his every movement._

 _At last, he chuckled and stepped back. I watched him warily as he retreated, not sure what he was doing._

" _It seems we were both mistaken. I am not a coward, and you, you are more interesting than I had thought. Yes, I think you will be meeting me again, little queen."_

 _My answer was clipped and cold._

" _You will forgive me if I'm not upset with anticipation."_

…

"Archers, at your mark."

I watched the scene in front of me with anticipation. It was the first long-awaited competition.

It somewhat resembled a football game, with the packed stands and excited murmurs. Everyone had seated themselves into their groups, without me interfering. The dwarves were seated next to the elves, shooting them suspicious glances every second. I didn't know how that had happened, but it promised to be very amusing. The humans were seated on the other side of the elves, and seemed the most excited for the games.

The royals were all seated with me, of course.

Ah, yes, the royals, the bane of my existence. You know, after a while it gets hard having to deal with royals. They're all the same, with their incessant remarks, backhanded insults, and stupid blue eyes. Well, maybe not _all_ of them were like that. Ok, yes, I was thinking about one royal in particular.

Thorin fucking Oakenshield.

I thought that maybe after he got settled, that maybe he would become a bit more agreeable. Boy, was I wrong. Since he arrived, he had been nothing more than a total pain in the ass, his comments severely testing my diplomatic skills.

It's not that he was over-demanding or whiny. Oh no, he was much worse. He was suffocatingly suspicious of me, my daughters, my morals, and everything else that came within a five mile radius of me. I didn't know what had caused him to be so insufferable. I had been perfectly polite, hadn't insulted him in any way, and even housed him and his company the farthest away from the elves. Thank God that he had Balin to keep him from saying anything that I might start a war over.

I thought about the royal pain in my ass as he sat in my box, overlooking the arena. The targets had been set up, and the archers were getting ready to fire. Today they would be competing for the hand of Philomena. Officially, their test would be on the archery range. Unofficially though, they would later be put through a test by me. However, first the archery range.

A hush settled over the crowd as the trumpets singanled the beginning of the competition. All the archers drew back their bows, and waited for the signal to shoot.

"Fire!"

The sound of a dozens of arrows filled the tense atmosphere before complete silence again. The crowd watched with baited breath. The archers waited while the targets were being inspected, and the five worst shooters eliminated.

There were boos from the different races each time one of their own was eliminated. Two humans, two dwarves, and one elf. The elves didn't seem too upset, however the dwarves and humans were shouting amongst themselves.

"Archery is an elf's sport, give me an axe any day!"

"I'd like to see you fight with a longsword!"

"I doubt your axe would even reach my knees."

Such wonderful (and highly amusing) comments rang through the air as I surveyed the others seated near me. Galadriel, Elrond and Celeborn were talking quietly amongst themselves, and Thranduil seemed to be observing me as well. We made eye contact, and I smiled politely before looking away. The human kings seemed to be enjoying the competition, as well as the dwarves.

Well, almost all of the dwarves.

One in particular hadn't done anything other than frown the entire time. In fact, I was surprised that he hadn't made some sort of comment yet…

"Yes, Balin, very charming indeed. A wonderful way to pawn her daughters off to the highest bidder."

My shoulders tensed, and I slowly turned to look at him. Everyone else seemed to have heard him too, and were all watching for my reaction. A vicious smile formed on my face, fire dangerously dancing in my eyes.

"It seems that you have misunderstood what these games are about, Oakenshield. I do not sell my daughters to anyone, no matter how much they offer. I do, after all, have morals."

The intent of my last words were clear; I didn't have to say anything more. I turned away, silently fuming, fully prepared to not say another word to him. The King Under The Mountain had other ideas, though.

"What is the purpose of this then, other than to quickly find them husbands? Why have their would-be suitors compete in competitions, other than to quickly pick one?"

My frustration grew to an even higher level. By now our conversation seemed to be gaining interest from people outside of my box as well. We must have made an interesting sight, a short female human getting increasingly frustrated at an even shorter dwarf. I can only be thankful that I didn't cause him any bodily harm in that moment of anger.

"My 'purpose', as you called it, is to be able to see and test anyone who might have an interest in one of my daughters. Believe me, if any of these suitors are morally corrupt, they won't make it past my first test."

He opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by the sound of trumpets. The next round had started, with nine archers left. They all seemed fairly confident in their abilities with a bow, none of them showing any signs of nervousness. Again, the archers drew back their bows and aimed at the targets. They had been moved further away than the last round, and a slight breeze might prove a difficult obstacle.

Again, they shot their arrows, and again, the worst were eliminated. Although instead of five, only four were eliminated, the four missing archers provided a noticeable difference. By this time, there were only one dwarf and human left, with three elves remaining on the range. I wasn't very surprised by the turn of events. Elves were known for their amazing archery skills, after all.

All was peaceful in my box once more. Oakenshield hadn't bothered me again, although he shot me looks from time to time. Thranduil and Elrond were having polite conversation, while I entertained King Fengel of Rohan.

"But surely it is a bit unfair, giving the suitors only one chance? There is no chance for them if they lose?"

I acknowledged his comment with a smile, and moved to answer.

"I need for my daughters to be well protected. Not that they can't take care of themselves, but it truly is an advantage for them to have a capable husband. Do you not agree?"

"Yes, quite."

King Ondoher of Gondor interjected into our conversation loudly.

"And what of your husband, milady? Was he capable of protecting your daughters and yourself? I simply cannot imagine a fine lady as yourself has not been married at least once. Are these games a way of replacing his duty to scare suitors away?"

The uncomfortable feeling that came anytime my love life was talked about started appearing in my stomach, causing me to almost visibly grimace. The question had caught the attention of Thranduil and Elrond, both of which were seated near me. Elrond surely remembered himself asking me about my husband many months before. Thranduil seemed to be trying to gather as much information about me as possible, to figure out whether I was a threat or not. His permanent assessing of my character was quite unnerving, and not very helpful in the awkward situation I was currently in.

My inner turmoil was not to be seen on my face as I graciously smiled and nodded my head to the King of Gondor. Inside my head, I tried to figure out how to deal with the precarious situation. Any wrong answer could send the royal into a flurry of question, most of which I wouldn't be able to answer.

"I thank you for your kind words, however there is no King of the Ayasyas, and there never was. I assure you, you need not worry about my or my daughter's protection. My kingdom has no quarrel with others, we have never had to shed blood over an issue or disagreement."

He looked at me with shocked eyes.

"A fine lady as yourself has never been married? It is nay unthinkable!"

I smiled gain, but this time rather painfully. The King of Gondor wasn't exactly the most tactful royal out there. I understood his shock, in his culture it was normal for women to marry at young ages, however by proclaiming my unmarriedness he was adding injury to insult. Being unmarried at my age and having several daughters, it did imply something of the scandalous sort. If he continued to pull many more of his tactless stunts, the other royals might label me as a tramp, and not wish to have any connection with the Ayasyas.

Thankfully, before he could continue on his tirade of how such a beautiful could not never have married, Thranduil said his first real words to me for the day.

"Your kingdom has never experienced war?"

His voice was calm, however there was a power underneath his words that I was a bit envious of. He was a generally intimidating sight, with his height and aristocratic features. I was lucky that I had never had a crush on him, otherwise I would have been having problems right about then.

"The Ayasyas work hard to settle all disputes peacefully. We have never had an instance where negotiations have not sufficed."

He raised a single eyebrow at me, however said nothing more. He probably either thought that I was an inexperienced child, or he was wondering what exactly my negotiation tactics were. I didn't blame him, either of them would be rational thoughts. I knew that I would have to work a bit harder for his good opinion, just like with Thorin.

Oh, Thorin. I had forgotten about him.

During our conversation he had been observing us. The elf he hated the most, and the queen he disliked for some reason. We probably seemed to be two devils having a conversation with each other. I really had no idea how on earth I was going to get Thorin to like me, he looked as if he was about to make a comment about either Thranduil or I any second. We were fair game, there was only Balin to stop him from starting a political war.

The older dwarf in question however seemed to have warned Thorin about unseemly comments, and thus he stuck to just glaring at us.

I paid no mind to his bad mood, and focused on the competition. Things were winding down, there were only two archers left. Surprisingly, the one human had managed to make it into the final round. The other contestant was, unsurprisingly, an elf. The last dwarf was sent away with much booing from the crowd. The dwarves protested, saying how the elfin magic was causing them to win. I watched these protestors, amused with their antics. Lord Dain seemed particularly disappointed as well. His comments kept the stiff and proper conversation of the royals interesting. A few times he scolded Thorin for not saying a word, and just sitting there silently. As far as Dain was concerned, this was an opportunity to have good food and entertainment, and should not be spoiled. Thorin said few words to his cousin, however relented and ceased glaring at me.

I turned my thoughts away from the Lord of the Iron Hills, and to the final competitors. The human was clearly Gondorian, as he lacked the fair hair of the Rohirrim. He had dark eyes, and even darker hair. He was actually very handsome, now that I thought about it. I tilted my head slightly as I observed him closer. He didn't look like the unpleasant type, but you can never tell. I turned my gaze away from the handsome Gondorian, and onto the elf.

His attire gave away that he was from Rivendell. Probably one of the elves that had met her daughters when they visited. Actually, he looked rather familiar. I observed him closer, trying to figure out where I had seen him before. It took me a few seconds before I realized it: He was one of the elves that had cornered me in front of my room, and professed his love for Philomena! I leaned forward in my seat, watching his behavior. He seemed confident enough, understandable after he had won the other matches. He looked up to where Philomena was sitting, and sent her the most love-sick look I have ever seen. I resisted the urge to smack myself in the forehead when Philomena giggled and waved at him. Her attention seemed to stun him for a few seconds. I repressed the strangled sounds that threatened to present themselves if I wasn't careful. He was clearly infatuated with her, and not in love. I would have to do something about that.

While I had been observing the elf, I had caught the attention of Thranduil again, as he sat the closest to me. He watched with amusement as I observed the competitor, and hints of my feelings displayed on my face. He glanced down to the two competitors briefly. He had formerly thought that the human must have been a formidable archer, but after seeing the main competition, he was less than impressed.

I was busy thinking about ways to get rid of the elf when my thoughts were interrupted by his smooth voice.

"Is the Rivendell elf not to your liking, Lady Nontle? Pray, do tell. You seem very preoccupied with assessing each and every of his flaws."

I started slightly, his words catching me off guard. I silently cursed, wondering why he had chosen that very moment to ask me a question. I had been too obvious in my scrutiny of the elf, and now I would have to explain the reason for my dislike. I hoped he was amused by my momentary speechlessness.

I quickly brought myself back to focus, and answered him as gracefully as I could.

"I have no particular dislike against the elf, I simply question whether he is right for my daughter."

Thranduil looked to the elf, and then back at me. "I see no callous jeering, or anything of an improper nature. What causes you to have such fears?"

"It is not of those intentions that I speak of. I doubt that he truly loves my daughter; rather he loves her beauty. His infatuation is that of a superficial kind, and thus he does not make himself popular with me."

Thranduil bowed his head to me before continuing.

"Understandable for a queen and mother of so many daughters."

I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but I decided to nod my head, and turn back to the match.

It was a tense moment as the two last competitors faced off against each other, in sync they drew their bows, and let their arrows fly. Both arrows hit the targets with a resounding thud, and the audience waited for the results with baited breath.

A tense five minutes later, and the results were announced. A stunned silence fell over the crowd as the human was declared the winner. Some of the elves looked ready to fight the man, and others looked about ready to kill him. The dwarves were highly amused by this turn of events, teasing and mocking the elves. To have lost to a human, oh the horror!

I, for one, was very relieved by the results. I wouldn't have to even consider having that elf as my son-in-law, and I would get to test an unknown person. It would be more interesting since I wasn't biased.

Philomena was ecstatic, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling gracefully at her suitor. The Gondorian looked mostly unaffected by her flirting, however there was a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

I leaned back in my seat, satisfied with myself.

One down, 199 to go. 


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you all for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter, they inspired me to get this chapter started early. Well, off we go!**

" _I have to say, your methods of distraction are quite…unique."_

 _A hint of a smirk showed on his insufferable face. I felt the sudden urge to stab him again. Of course he would bring up the kiss._

" _Believe me, it was highly unpleasant."_

 _He raised an eyebrow at me, and I had to physically restrain myself from doing something rash. He knew exactly how to press my buttons._

" _Was it really? You seemed to be enjoying it."_

 _I raised my eyebrow too, mocking him._

" _Then you are not quite as perceptive as I thought."_

 _We stared at each other for a few tense seconds. It looked rather odd, two people in the middle of a huge hallway, just staring at each other. I was glad no one could see us. They might get ideas._

 _Our staring match was interrupted by the sound of many footsteps and giggling coming from around the corner. I mentally groaned, my head swiveling, looking for a hiding spot. The last thing I needed right now was for my daughters to discover him._

 _I shouldn't have let my guard down. He obviously hadn't forgiven me for the kiss, and wanted revenge. I didn't think about him at all, I was just frantically searching for an exit. I finally spotted a door, and took a step forward, trying to escape._

 _I had no idea what was happening. One moment I was hiding from my approaching daughters, the next my arm was tugged on, and I was swung around._

 _I had to admit, he had impeccable timing. The very moment two of my teenage daughters rounded the corner, they were met by the sight of me in the arms of a stranger, receiving a searing kiss. I stood in his arms dumbly, my brain deciding to shut down. I snapped out of my shocked state when I heard the gasps. I quickly stepped away from him, and smacked him across the face. The sharp sound echoed throughout the wide hallway. I stepped towards my daughters, both of which who quickly picked up their skirts and ran from me. I sighed heavily, this was going to cause so much gossip._

 _I slowly turned to the cause of all my current problems. For someone who had just been smacked, he looked rather smug. He had lipstick smudges across his lips, and a bruise forming on his high cheekbones. He stood there, smirking at me, mocking me. I felt my previous anger against him build up again, and stalked towards him furiously._

" _What the Hell are you doing? Do you want to be seen as my suitor?"_

 _He still just smirked calmly at me, and I felt the urge to smack him on the other side of his face as well._

" _That would be rather amusing, would it not?"_

…

"Philomena, if you flutter your eyelashes at that poor man one more time, I will be forced to do something about it."

"But Mother, he is to court me! Should I not show him my affection and favor?"

"Yes, but not so much affection that you don't even touch the food on your plate. Let the man eat, then you can shower him in praise and love for all I care."

Philomena took my advice, and finally started eating. I nodded approvingly, a small smile on my face. It was sweet how excited she was, she was barely able to sit still. However, I didn't want her to neglect her need to eat and drink because of her excitement.

I looked over the tables to her suitor. On the outside, he appeared calm and collected, however I could see right through that façade. He was nervous, incredibly so. It was understandable, after all, he had just won an archery competition against an elf, and was going to court a beautiful princess. Who wouldn't be at least slightly nervous?

I smiled to myself. Their nervousness was cute, it showed how eager they both were to make a good impression on the other. At that moment I felt very old, like a mother bird watching her young one start to leave the nest. I got the sudden urge to send the suitor away, and keep Philomena for myself. I shook off the urge as quickly as it came. She would be heartbroken if I did that, and I would definitely regret it later. It looked like my mothering instincts would have to be suppressed.

My thoughts moved on from the young couple, and on to the other occupants of the dining hall. My eyes raked over the different tables, surveying everyone who stood out. I was able to tell almost immediately who came from where. Rivendell elves were very different from Mirkwood elves, just like the dwarves and humans. I finished my round of the room before resting my eyes on one person in the corner.

I could not quite tell if he was an elf or a man, so regal were his features. He had high cheekbones and aristocratic features. His dark curly hair fell almost messily against his forehead; his piercing blue eyes standing out against his pale skin. He was not looking at me, rather at the rest of the hall. His gaze trailed lazily across all the tables, his eyes narrowing at the dwarves. He quickly moved on from the boisterous group, and looked at the elves instead. There was a hint of a smile on his face as he looked at the Mirkwood elves; a smile about a joke only he understood.

I tried to figure out which group he came from, but to no avail. He sat away from all the distinctive groups, instead sitting with those who had decided to mingle. He didn't seem to have any companions, or anyone he was talking to. The more I tried to figure him out, the more confused I became. I was officially intrigued.

Whenever I become focused on something, it is extremely hard to deter me from it. I was a very driven person, which sometimes had its downfalls. For example right now, when I was caught staring at the strange man by the mystery himself. All of a sudden, his eyes locked with mine, and we maintained about one second of eye contact. I quickly broke away, slightly embarrassed. I really hoped that he wasn't anyone important, otherwise things might become awkward in the future. There weren't a lot of elegant ways to tell someone that you had been staring at them to try and figure out what race they were. In fact, it would be considered rather rude.

I turned my thoughts away from the mysterious man/elf, and back to Philomena's suitor. I already knew what his test would be, but I was going to need some help from one of the girls.

…

Ivandur was having a pretty good day.

He had come with King Ondoher to this strange realm, and spent a rather pleasant few days before the competition. Carahir had insisted that he take part in the archery competition, but at first he was skeptical. He did not want to court some pompous princess if he ended up winning. However Carahir insisted that he at least try, and he had relented.

Now here he was, winner against elves and dwarves, and with a very beautiful woman looking his way every few seconds. Yes, she was very beautiful. Her bright green eyes stood out wonderfully against her auburn hair. He was not in love with the lady, but he wouldn't mind getting to know her better.

Carahir nudged him with a knowing grin.

"Your lady cannot keep her eyes off you. Do you thank me yet, you stubborn ass? Pompous princess indeed! The poor thing is too shy to make eye-contact. Every time you look at her, she turns a deeper shade of red."

Ivandur grumbled a bit at his friend, but was also pleased at the attention. It was very flattering to know that he had such an effect on someone.

His friend clapped him on the back, and held out his mug.

"Well then, to your lady!"

Ivandur held out his mug to Carahir's, but then felt the gaze of Lady Nontle. His friend downed his drink in one gulp, whereas he mindfully took a smaller sip. Carahir noticed, and looked at him confused. He soon figured out what the matter was, after he saw Lady Nontle's observation of his friend's actions. He smirked at Ivandur smugly.

"Trying to impress the mother-in-law? I don't blame you, she is rather intimidating. Not bad-looking though. Perhaps if you don't like the daughter, you can try with the mother!"

He laughed merrily at his joke, whereas Ivandur tried fervently to shush him. He really did want to leave a good impression on Lady Nontle. His friend stopped laughing after a bit, and ruffled his hair.

"So, no drinking for you tonight? You might as well go to bed early then, after all, that is what respectable people do, isn't it?"

Ivandur rolled his eyes before standing up from his seat.

"Don't get too drunk, and don't try anything with one of the princesses. Who knows what Lady Nontle will do to you if you overstep your boundaries."

Carahir merely laughed and took another drink. Ivandur smiled at his friend's antics before leaving the hall, and heading to his room.

The hallways were empty and quiet, the noises from the feast a blur in the background. There was a strange lack of servants, or of any small animals. Outside of the merriment, the castle seemed almost dead.

The slightly tipsy Ivandur decided to make the journey to his room as short as possible, and strode purposefully down the hallway. He stopped short however, when he heard angry whispers from one of the bends of the hallway. He slowly made his way to the noises, and turned the corner.

As soon as he turned the corner, he saw the source of the whispers. A girl was pressed against the wall, a Gondorian leering above her.

"…what do you say?"

The girl was clearly terrified, and trying desperately to get out of her current situation.

"No thank you Sir, I really think that-"

The man leaned in even closer to the young thing. Ivandur felt anger start to boil up in him at the man's disgusting behavior.

"Come now, I am a lord, you know, and-"

He was interrupted by Ivandur clearing his throat from behind the two. The Gondorian turned around immediately, a slightly panicked look on his face. The girl he was terrorizing looked highly relieved by Ivandur's timely arrival. The Gondorian quickly got over his shock, and greeted Ivandur with a smile.

"Greetings friend, I was just having a conversation with this lovely creature here. Has the feast ended?"

Ivandur ignored the man's attempt to change the topic, and got straight to the point.

"Really, were you? The lady does not seem to be enjoying your conversation; I would suggest you retire to your room."

The friendly smile faltered for a moment before the man tried again.

"I assure you, we are planning to retire soon."

At this he grabbed the girl by the hip, and held her tightly at his side. The teenager struggled against his grip momentarily before he clamped his hands onto her arms, and held them at her side.

He smiled again at Ivandur.

"You know how young ones are, always so reluctant the first time. She will thank me soon enough though, every woman does when they get their first taste of a man. This one has fire, though."

At this he ran his hand through the hair of the frightened girl. She couldn't have been more than sixteen years old. Ivandur had a niece that age. His anger against the man's actions threatened to boil over. He tried to keep himself calm, balling his hands into fists and glaring at him.

The Gondorian's hand had stopped stroking her hair, and had moved further down. He kept one hand firmly clamped over the girl's hands, and rested the other on her curves. He drew circles with his fingers on her hips as he continued confiding in Ivandur.

"I'm sure you understand, after all, we are brothers. I might have to tie this one up, to keep her from resisting."

At this he moved his hand even further down, and squeezed the teenager's curves.

Ivandur snapped.

He quickly threw the man off of his victim, and threw him onto the floor. The girl quickly ran behind him, and stared at the fight with wide eyes. The lord stood up with blood trickling from his nose, and glared at Ivandur.

"There is no need for you to become involved. It is the my and the lady's business, not yours."

His words were quickly met by a solid punch in the face. He fell to the ground again, and Ivandur stared down at him, his eyes filled with disgust.

"Were the lady not present, I would beat you within an inch of your life. She has no brothers or father to defend her honor, so I am more than willing to take their place."

With this he hauled him up by his collar, and pulled his face close.

"If you ever touch her again, I will break much more than just your nose."

He dropped him onto the floor again, and turned to the girl. His fierce glare turned sympathetic as he addressed her.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head, her eyes glued to the man bleeding on the floor. Ivandur felt new disgust for the bastard, but quenched his urge to punch him again. He held out his arm, and smiled friendlily at her.

"May I escort you back to your room?"

She nodded silently, and took his arm. They walked in silence for the few minutes, before she pointed to a door. He took her to the room, and bowed to her before bidding her goodnight. He turned around, and left her in peace. He fumed in anger for the entire way back to his room, and swore that the foul man would never touch another girl.

Unseen to him, the bleeding man on the floor slowly faded away into nothing, just like the girl he had escorted to her room. After a few seconds, they disappeared completely, and Harper stepped out from behind one of the pillars. She had a satisfied smile on her face as she watched Ivandur go to his room. From behind her mother, Giuliette peeked out, slightly shaken.

"Mother, why did he attack the illusion? Did I do something wrong?"

Harper shook her head as she turned to her daughter. She held one of her arms around the girl's shoulders.

"No, Sweetie, you did everything perfectly."

Giuliette looked up at her with worried eyes.

"Then why did he attack him?"

Harper sighed deeply, and squeezed Giuliette's shoulders as the rounded the corner.

"I'll explain it to you when you're older. He did t6he right thing though. I think he and I will get along just fine."


	11. Chapter 11

"You know, Mother, if you're ever going to get married, then you need to start looking for suitors."

That remark came suddenly from Carina one day as she was helping me with my makeup. Jaazah made a tutting noise as she shook her head at the young girl.

"She is under no obligation to pick one of the kings here as her suitor, and you know it, Carina. Let it be."

I snorted inelegantly, and gestured to myself. I was wearing a bathrobe and fluffy socks, and my hair was wet and unstyled. It was not the best I had ever looked.

"Yes, let the kings of all the realms come to gawk at my beauty. Truly, my admirers are so great it number, it will make it impossible to choose one!"

Giada snorted from across the room at my dramatic proclamation, and come over with at least three dresses slung over her shoulder.

"You know very well that if you wanted any of the men here, you could have them. Half of them are married though, so that leaves only a few for you to pick from."

Giada held surveyed my half-done makeup, and started muttering under her breath. She took a dress off of the pile, and returned it to the closet. Carina brightened up at the previous topic of conversation, and eagerly added her opinion.

"You're right, Giada! There's King Oakenshield and King Thranduil…"

Jaazah passed by us, handing me a schedule and grabbing a necklace from the jewelry box. She came back, and started fastening the necklace around my neck.

"Don't forget Lord Dain of the Iron Hills, although I'm not quite sure that he's Mother's type."

Carina's face scrunched up in disgust as Jaazah reminded her of the other dwarven lord.

"But he's not dreamy at all! And I can hardly believe that Mother would be interested in him!"

She poked me lightly with a makeup brush, and I opened my eyes to look at her. She stared at me inquiringly.

"You wouldn't, would you?"

I had to concentrate to remember what the girls had been talking about. I thought about the dwarf, and smiled lightly. He wasn't quite my type, no.

"I think I will have to pass on this one. Tell me when you've found a more dreamy candidate."

I closed my eyes again, and prepared to relax, when Carina started talking again.

"See, Jaazah? He's not even worth mentioning! I think that Mother would be much better suited to King Thranduil. Have you seen his eyes? They seem to go right through your soul!"

Giada joined in again.

"King Thranduil? Are you joking? He's cold as ice, a marriage with him would be completely joyless."

"Maybe, but think of the wedding night! I'm sure that he's full of unbridled passion, just waiting to release!"

At that I opened my eyes and quickly sat up to look at Carina.

"Whoa! Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there? Please don't talk about King Thranduil like that when he is a guest in our home. What if one of his elves were to hear you talking about him like that?"

Carina quieted, and all was silent for all of two minutes.

"What about Oakenshield?"

Giada crossed the room as Carina spoke, this time only carrying two dresses. She laid them down on the couch in front of me, and looked to me for my opinion. However, she was immediately distracted by Carina's comment about the dwarven king, and quickly jumped in.

"Oh, isn't he handsome? Well, I might be slightly biased since I am a dwarrow, however he is truly very good looking. He would make a much better stepfather than Thranduil."

Giada had become a little heated during her conversation about the thick-headed king, and turned to me for my opinion. She had a passionate look in her eye, the kind that my students used to get when they talked about soccer.

"Who do you think is more handsome, Mother? King Thranduil or Oakenshield?"

I stared at her and raised my eyebrow.

"Why, again, is this necessary for me getting ready?"

She seemed to realize that she had gotten a little carried away, and closed her mouth. She blushed slightly, and showed me the two gowns.

One was a lovely lilac color, with wide sleeves and embellishments along the scooping neckline. The other was sky blue with a tight waist and split sleeves. I thought about what I was going to do that day. Yesterday had been another competition, with a Lothlórien elf winning a sword fight. He was destined for Morwenna, the girl who was sure that her father was the 'Sea God'.

It would be a day of socializing and establishing friendships. I couldn't catch a break while our guests were here, every moment had to be used to ensure that their kingdoms would ally with ours. I took another look at the two options. As beautiful as the first dress was, I would be fairly active today, and the heavy sleeves would only weigh me down. I broke out of my thoughts, and smiled at Giada.

"I think I will go for blue today, what do you think?"

By now her face had cooled down a shade or two, and she nodded eagerly.

"I don't see why not. It's a lovely gown, sure to flatter your figure."

She gave me a meaningful look at the last sentence, giggling slightly as I sighed heavily. There really was no escaping the basic mind frame of most of these girls. 'At least Jaazah wouldn't pressure me', I thought as she made her exit, leaving me alone with two wannabe matchmakers.

"There you go, now all we need to do is get you into that dress, and style your hair!"

Carina motioned enthusiastically to the dress that I had picked out, and I struggled to suppress a groan. As lucky as I knew I was, what with my jewels and fancy dresses, we had already been at this for three hours. How long does it take to get someone dressed and ready?

I stood up from the comfortable chair, and made my way to Giada. The two girls helped me slip into the dress, and fasten the bodice. Then I was led to a different part of my room, where for another two hours Carina slaved over my unruly hair, wanting to get it 'just right'.

…

" _No, I don't want to talk to you."_

" _Well, then it seems we are at a standstill."_

 _I glared at him viciously, my eyes boring holes in his skull. At the moment all I wanted to do was beat that arrogant smirk off of his face. The infuriating bastard knew exactly what to do to annoy me._

" _You do know that I can have you be escorted off of my land? All it would take is a word from me, and you would be gone."_

 _His stance became threatening as he towered over me._

" _You would not-"_

 _I cut him off quickly. "I would."_

 _He glared at me, visibly annoyed, before starting again. "You would not endanger your daughters for the mere sake of eliminating an annoyance. After all, I have not caused any harm."_

" _Not caused any harm?" I nearly screeched. "What of the halls scorched with dragon fire? What of the hem of my dress, singed beyond repair? It is only by pure luck alone that I am still alive."_

 _He shrugged slightly, tilting his head to one side._

" _I still have yet to harm you, or any of your family and guests."_

 _I stared back at him, unamused._

" _Yet."_

…

"And then we corner him in the hall, insult him, and then you come in, fabulous and powerful, and save him from the mean elves."

I looked at Giada incredulously. A smile threatened to creep onto my face, but I suppressed it into a barely straight face.

"I'm not sure that that would make Thorin Oakenshield instantly fall in love with me, however it is an interesting idea."

The idea of Thorin Oakenshield being cornered by my daughters costumed as elves, only for me to swoop in and save him from their cruel words, was ridiculous. The esteemed King Under the Mountain hated me so much, that he'd probably rather be with condescending elves than in my company. I had no idea why, but he seemed to have taken an instant dislike to me, and anything that had to do with me. He also wouldn't be changing that anytime soon, dwarves were known for being extremely stubborn and hard-headed. If I slammed Oakenshield's head against a stone wall, the wall would crack.

Ok, so maybe he annoyed me just as much as I annoyed him, but at least I was polite! Where I had just ignored his pig-headed comments, any other queen would have declared war or at least insult at once. But no, he had to be someone vital to Middle Earth, and he still needed to go to Erebor. However, that didn't mean that I had to pretend that I liked him.

In fact, I had been getting along with his sworn enemy much better. Maybe all the people that Thorin Oakenshield hates are similar. I had been having occasionally deep and other times pleasant conversations with the Elvenking, who I found was not as rude to others as he was to Oakenshield. Don't get me wrong, he was in no way open or cheery, but he had yet to insult me or any of my daughters. Considering my current company, that was a rather large achievement in my book.

Giada frowned contemplatively, then brightened up almost instantly.

"How about we 'accidentally' cause a situation that will force him to marry you, and then you two slowly fall in love!"

I quickly shook my head while chuckling nervously.

"Uh, no, Giada, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't force us into any kind of relationship, much less marriage. He wouldn't fall in love with me, we would resent each other for the rest of our lives. That is not what a happy marriage looks like. Besides, I hope to never have to see Thorin Oakenshield again after his stay here."

She pouted, but took the hint. I was not interested at all in the unmanageable King Under the Mountain, however attractive he may be. I gave myself a once-over in the mirror as I brushed a piece of hair out of my face. It definitely wasn't my most glamorous outfit, but it still flattered me. I hefted up the skirts to check the strap around my thigh. One extra useful dagger for extra bad situations, check. I dropped my skirts again, and turned back to the two girls. After multiple hours of work, they still looked as perfect as they did that morning. I thought back to how much effort we had had to put into my hair to brush through it this morning, and cringed. Yeah, I was not Sue material.

"Are you two ready?" I asked them, to which they nodded almost in sync. I took one last look in the mirror, and left the sanctuary of my room.

Breakfast had been delivered to all the rooms, so I didn't have to socialize just yet. No, first I had to check on my girls. I walked to the throne room, Carina and Giada on either side. The two guards in front bowed to me, and opened the huge door. As soon as they opened, I could hear the loud sound of chatter from the two-hundred excited girls inside. As soon as I was noticed though, the room quieted down immensely. I walked to my throne, smiling and waving to my girls. I gave out hugs and kisses, asking about the day before and what had happened that morning. I finally sat down, and was joined by Jaazah on my right. I looked to her, and motioned for her to begin.

She pulled out a clipboard and started to read the list out loud.

"This morning there was one situation with one of the Mirkwood elves. It was taken care of, but I suggest we erect a magical border near the bath houses."

I stared at Jaazah quizzically. "Which bath houses?"

Jaazah cleared her throat before continuing, completely unfazed.

"The male ones. All of them."

I slumped back into my throne, sighing heavily.

"I'm not even going to ask what happened. Yes, I'll have one of the girls put up a border separating the male bath houses from the castle. Maybe she can somehow make sure that it only repels females. We wouldn't want any enraged, half-dressed guests complaining about not being able to get to the bath houses."

Jaazah nodded before scribbling down a few words onto the piece of paper. She then proceeded to address the next issue.

"There seems to be a group of girls, who, uh…"

She trailed off awkwardly, gaze sliding from the words on the clipboard to my face. I raised my eyebrows, slightly shocked. I had never seen her tongue-tied before. She was always very good at expressing herself.

"Yes? A group of girls who what?"

Jaazah struggled with her words for a few more seconds before starting again.

"A group of girls who have, um, been planning on doing some amateur matchmaking, if that's the right way to phrase it."

"You mean that are going to try their hardest to get themselves a father?"

Jaazah nodded,watching for my reaction. I had known about the group of roughly fifty girls for quite a while. It was almost unavoidable with romantically obsessed daughters. In their minds, I was the strong, lonely queen, searching for her one true love. Not that I was against love, but I didn't want to leave my love life in the hands of my fairy tale daughters, All of their ideas for setting two people up were unrealistic, and most times frankly idiotic. For example, if they tried locking me in a closet with Thranduil, it would not end with us making out passionately. No, it would lead to _very_ awkward movement and conversation. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes for a month. Can you imagine some elf discovering us and helping us escape? That was one situation that I did not want to have to explain.

I pulled my thoughts away from being stuck in a broom closet with the Elvenking, and focused on Jaazah.

"Try and find out what they're planning. We can put a stop to it before it ever happens, hopefully relatively quietly."

We talked about multiple small issues; there had been a fistfight in the gardens; a wannabe suitor had had to be retrieved from some particularly nasty rose bushes after falling off a balcony. Apparently he had been attempting to serenade one of my girls. Idiot.

As much as I enjoyed the time with my family, I had much that had to be accomplished that day. After about twenty more minutes, it was time to socialize. I envied the young girls running about freely. Their lessons had been stopped for the entirety of the celebration, and they found themselves with more free time than they knew what to do with.

I beckoned to Sia, who dutifully followed next to me with a longsuffering look on her face. Considering that I was about to spend the next two hours or so in the company of royals, making small talk and ignoring insults, I didn't blame her one bit. If I had my way, I would be outside playing with the younger girls.

But no, I have to play the part of a queen. And by that I mean that I need to talk to sexist men and extremely wise elves. I felt like everything I said was analyzed thoroughly by all the elves in the room. Let's not forget our favorite dwarf. He seemed to wait for the perfect opportunity to comment on my decisions or insult me in some way. If Balin wasn't there to restrain him, I don't know if I could control myself. He was the most infuriating person that I had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

We arrived at the patio where almost all of the royals were seated. King Fengel of Rohan was missing, but I presumed that he would join us shortly. I greeted my guests, then sat down on one of the comfortable couches.

And thus, it began.

"I find it interesting that in the last competition, the last two were both elves. One from Lothlórien, the other from the Greenwood." Lord Celeborn remarked casually. He turned to Elrond, a hint of a smile on his lips. "I hope a Rivendell elf does well soon, otherwise you might have to admit that they are sub-par."

Elrond took the joke well, smiling lightly. He shifted slightly in his seat before answering his friend. "They will prove themselves soon enough. I remind you, in the archery competition one of mine was in the last two. Such a shame that he was the only elf to do so."

Celeborn smiled pleasantly before engaging his wife in conversation. I was wondering about their lack of distinct facial expressions, when King Fengel made his appearance. He was greeted by the other royals, who all proceeded with their conversations. He threw a glance over the room, and sat down onto the empty space next to me. Time to smile until my cheeks hurt.

"Good morning, Lady Nontle. I trust the festivities yesterday did not tire you too much?"

I smiled pleasantly at him before answering.

"Good morning King Fengel. I am not fatigued, thank you."

"Glad to hear it. What did you think about the swordplay yesterday?"

I indulged him and his questions about the competition. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sia start to twitch, though to the untrained eye she stood straight as a board. She had no one to talk to, not even another guard. Sia was probably thinking about a certain elleth that she could have been visiting in that time. She was clearly bored out her mind. I hoped she would be able to make it through the dull conversations without passing out.

The topic changed drastically when she was brought into the conversation. King Ondoher of Rohan had joined our conversation at some point, and noticed Sia's uniqueness. In other words, her ears and tail.

"How is it so, that your daughters all vastly vary in appearance? You yourself, milady, resemble only a fraction of your daughters."

My mind blanked for a few seconds as I searched for a suitable answer. Just as I thought I was about to make a fool out of myself, it came to me. I straightened my back, and tried to look as truthful as possible.

"The Valar have blessed every single one of my daughters with their unique attributes. Truly, I am thankful for their diversity and gifts. Not one is like the other."

No kidding, I thought sarcastically. 'Not one like the other'. I noticed after the first week with them how they only had one thing in common: Undeniable beauty. And bad life decisions, but who am I to judge?

King Ondoher looked at me skeptically, but accepted my answer. I relaxed, only to feel the appraising eyes of Galadriel fall onto my shoulders.

Shit.

If she tried any of her mind tricks, then I was toast.

I focused my thoughts on unimportant things, like what we were having for lunch or that I was sick of King Ondoher bringing up awkward questions. He really was very annoying, not in his manner, but in the way that he asked exactly the right questions to get me tongue-tied. If he asked many more of these questions, then by the end of their stay I would find myself in a web of lies.

My thoughts accidentally strayed to Galadriel, and I mentally smacked myself. It was impossible to _not_ think of something, especially when that something was a mind-reading elleth. Kinda hard to ignore.

"When will the next competition take place? What will it be this time? Wrestling?" King Fengel asked jokingly, bringing my attention back to him.

"It will take place overmorrow. And no, I'm sorry to disappoint, however there will be no wrestling. The next one will be about fighting with duel blades. Close to the one before, however not exactly the same."

Wrestling, indeed. As if I needed my boy-crazy daughters seeing a bunch of half-dressed men rolling around on the ground. It would cause half of them to have a stroke, me possibly included. I briefly imagined a group of girls fanning themselves, while men fought for their hand. Yeah, that was not happening.

The two human kings took their leave shortly after, saying that they needed talk about something between Rohan and Gondor. I didn't quite catch what they were saying before they left, and I was left looking for someone new to talk to. All the elves were engaged in conversation. I mentally groaned. Why? Why today? Can't fate let me catch a break? I steeled myself as I plastered a smile on my face, and went to talk to Thorin Oakenshield.

He seemed surprised by me approaching him with a smile. 'Me too bud' I thought sarcastically as I asked how his stay had been so far. His surprise melted away quickly and he opened his mouth to speak. A subtle nudge from Balin made him close his mouth, before opening it once more.

"Very pleasant, I assure you."

He looked like he had just eaten a lemon. I was more shocked than I had ever been. Had he just been polite to me? Was there something wrong with him?

He looked highly uncomfortable under my sudden scrutiny, and cleared his throat. We both stared at each other for a few long seconds, both seemingly searching for topics of conversation. What on earth could we civilly talk about?

I shifted uncomfortably. The silence was just starting to get awkward when he opened his mouth and a flurry of words came out.

"Nice weather we have today."

I looked out over the fields in front of us. It was sunny as usual, but not in any way spectacular.

"Uh, yes, it's a wonderful day."

"Quite."

The silence stretched again. I mentally cursed myself for getting us both into this awkward conversation. Where had I thought this would go?

I was starting to contemplate sinking into the ground and never coming back, when I was saved by the bell. Quite literally. The noon bell rung, and thus released me from my suffocating company. I plastered a smile on my face, and politely bid my guests farewell. I motioned to Sia, and we quickly made our exit.

When the doors finally closed behind us, we both released a breath and relaxed. I could physically see Sia's shoulders slouching a bit more, and the furrow of her brow disappear. I smiled at her mischievously as I motioned back at the patio and made a gagging noise. A small smile crept onto her face, but she remained silent. I gently slung my arm around her shoulders as we casually walked down the hallway.

"You're dismissed for the rest of the day. Now that I've 'shown you off' to the royals, you may do as you like. Maybe spend some time with that friend of yours."

At the last suggestion I wiggled my eyebrows at her with a smirk. She groaned loudly, and removed my arm from her shoulders.

"Mom! Don't do that!"

I grinned even wider, leaning in close and wiggling my eyebrows again. "Do what?"

She gently shoved me away, and stalked down the hallway, muttering under her breath. I watched her walk away, giggling quietly to myself. I stopped watching her after she turned a sharp corner, and focused on what was next on the schedule. Let me see, I would have to check with the seamstresses, talk with the stable-hands, and possibly break up a fight or two. I pondered over the necessity of visiting the seamstress again so soon, but was interrupted by odd sounds coming from a room on my right. I stopped in my tracks at the sound of chanting.

Uh-oh. That wasn't good.

I broke off from my path, and cautiously approached the door. As I came closer, I started to notice smoke seeping out from under the door, and strange smells wafting out with it.

"Fac eius in caritate. And thus, the deed is done!"

I pounded on the door, shouting as loudly as I could.

"Whoever is in there, open this door!"

I heard cursing and scuttling around after my announcement. There was a loud _pop_ , and then the room was quiet. By this time I had decided that I had had enough, and I backed up a few steps. I slammed the door down quickly, with nothing other than a bruised shoulder to show for it.

The room was empty.

Well, I shouldn't say empty. What I really meant was that there was no one inside. But it most certainly wasn't empty.

There were signs and sigils scrawled all over the floor, and a huge cauldron in the middle. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought that I had just interrupted the middle of some satanic ritual.

Although, now that I think of it, I wouldn't put that past my girls.

I carefully made my way to the cauldron in the middle of the room, and peered inside at the contents. It was mostly clean, except for a clump of pink powder and some kind of melted metal. I straightened myself, and inspected the rest of the room. I didn't get very far, though. The room smelt so heavily of roses that it was becoming hard to breathe. After concluding that there was nothing more to be gathered from the room, I exited it, and locked the door behind me. I didn't want anyone coming back to tamper with the remains of whatever they were doing. I would have one of the girls analyze it soon.

Tasks for the day forgotten, I hurried down the corridors to find Jaazah. Maybe she would know what this was all about.

Honestly, I don't understand what mad me think that after such a trying day I would catch a break. For lo and behold, around the corner came a hindrance.

A very odd hindrance.

…

Thranduil, the Elvenking, Lord of the Greenwood and protector of its forests, had been having a wonderful day.

He had woken up well-rested, had enjoyed breakfast in bed, and had held a pleasant conversation with Elrond while admiring the view.

In fact, he had been on his way to enjoy the outdoors. He didn't quite know what hit him, but all of a sudden he was hit with a wave of dizziness, and struggled to stay upright as he stumbled his way along the wall. He paused, trying to earn his bearings, but was hit with another wave, and slumped to the floor, the world swimming before his eyes. He vaguely wondered if he had been poisoned, but his curret predicament was his main focus.

He heard a startled gasp and hurried footsteps, before someone knelt before him and gently inquired: "King Thranduil, are you alright?"

Of course, he didn't understand quite all of that. It mostly came out as "…Thranduil…alright?" He opened his mouth the reassure the person, before slumping further down the wall in exhaustion. His throat felt dry, and his head felt split open. He jumped when he felt a touch on his forehead, but was quickly hit by another wave. Not a wave of dizziness this time, but of sickeningly warm and fuzzy feelings, ones that urged him to empty his stomach onto the expensive carpet. He refrained from doing that, whatever was left of his dignity refusing. He broke out in a sweat before leaning into the touch of whoever was trying to help him. He opened his eyes, only for them to be dazzled by what he saw in front of him. The dizziness faded away as he focused on the being in front of his eyes.

Unbeknownst to him, a far-away look came into his eyes as he stared at his very confused rescuer. His gaze was filled with pining as he pulled himself up to whisper in her ear before passing out from exhaustion.

Harper looked at the scene she was in, highly confused and highly concerned.

What the hell was "Cin must n- an aenil" supposed to mean?


	12. Chapter 12

"Cin must n- an aenil? That's what he said to you before passing out?"

I nodded at Jaazah before looking back at the unconscious Elvenking on one of the healing beds.

"And you just found him there, in the corridor? Do you have any idea what was wrong with him?"

"No, I just found him slumped on the floor."

Jaazah nodded to herself, and frowned grimly. She looked at Thranduil, then back at me, then to Thranduil again. She silently contemplated something, then shook her head.

"I have to tell you, I don't like it. I'm having that room with the cauldron inspected right now, but it reeks of Ayasya magic. I fear that this might have something to do with our esteemed Elvenking's untimely sickness."

I stared at her, not completely understanding what she was implying.

"I see. Why?"

She shot me a look that was reminiscent of "Are you stupid?", and gestured to the patient.

"A handsome, widowed King who happens to fall unconscious the moment you come across him, but not before whispering very bad Elvish in your ear? Does that not sound like something straight out of a romance novel?"

I thought over her words as she looked at me expectantly. It did seem rather odd, especially considering that Elves were pretty tough, and didn't just fall unconscious for no reason. Then I registered what else Jaazah had said.

"Bad Elvish? You know what he said?"

I peered at her inquisitively, watching how her expression became mildly uncomfortable.

"Well, yes, and it further supports my theory. You see, 'Cin must n- an aenil' is _Elvish_ , just very _bad_ Elvish. The grammar alone hints to the fact that it's been put through a few bad translators, and then spat back out. In conclusion, no Elf who was even mildly sober could have, or would have, formulated that sentence."

"Yes, but what does it _mean_?"

There was a second or two of silence before Jaazah cleared her throat and continued.

"I believe that it is supposed to mean something along the lines of 'You must be an angel.'"

We stared at each other before both slowly looking at the still-sleeping Elvenking. The implications of what she said hit me like a ton of bricks, and my mind was unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Shit."

…

Meanwhile, the subject of their conversation slowly started to stir. His eyes felt too heavy to open, but his brain became less fuzzy. His head rested on a soft material, and he could feel a thin sheet covering the rest of his body. For a moment he stayed still, perfectly content with his comfortable situation, before his mind cleared slightly and his brain caught up to his body.

Sheets? Why was he lying on sheets?

The bliss of ignorance slowly faded away as the events of the previous day made their way into the forefront of his mind. He had been walking down a corridor, and…

Thranduil mentally frowned. What had happened after that? It was something important, something that his mind was screaming at him to remember. It was like trying to remember a dream: the harder he tried, the less he could remember. He remembered someone speaking, and he had a sense that he had been carried somewhere, but anything other than the faintest hints of a memory eluded him. What had happened to cause his mind to be so muddled? It was confusing at best, and highly concerning at worst. He was not one to be easily tricked, and the loss of memory was seeming more suspicious by the moment.

By now his mind was fully awake, but his body wouldn't react. It wasn't terrifying per say, but highly annoying. Thranduil tried to move his arm, and ended of moving his ring finger instead.

Yeah, that was about how much in control of his body he was.

After about five minutes he gave up trying to move, and decided to focus on his surroundings. He was shocked by the sound of voices, ad realized that they had been there the whole time. Was he so pathetically weak that he couldn't even hear right? He mentally berated himself for being so unobservant, and tuned into the ongoing conversation.

"Well, yes, and it further supports my theory. You see, 'Cin must n- an aenil' is _Elvish_ , just very _bad_ Elvish. The grammar alone hints to the fact that it's been put through a few bad translators, and then spat back out. In conclusion, no Elf who was even mildly sober could have, or would have, formulated that sentence."

Why was someone having a conversation about Elvish grammar at his bedside? It wasn't what one would expect to hear while paralyzed, however after hearing that atrocious use of Elvish, he fully understood the necessity.

"Yes, but what does it _mean_?"

That voice, he knew that voice. Even just listening to it brought memories of the evening before. A concerned hand that seemed to burn like fire, a quiet voice that was laced with panic. It also brought a intensely warm feeling into his stomach, and Thranduil vaguely wondered if he had taken ill.

"I believe that it is supposed to mean something along the lines of 'You must be an angel.'"

'You must be an angel', why did that sound so familiar? Another blurry memory came to mind, of opening heavy eyes and staring in wonder. The warm feeling came back, however accompanied by a few flips. Yes, Thranduil had definitely taken ill.

There were a few long seconds of silence, and the Elvenking found himself inexplicably yearning to hear that voice again. For some reason he had a thought, an impression, that if he could only hear that voice again, then he would have the strength to fully wake up. The rational side of him cringed at the other's stupidity at thinking that hearing something would cure him fully and renew his strength, but there was still something inside of him that pleaded _please, if you could only speak once more_.

"Shit."

And thus, the rational side of Thranduil the Elvenking was taught a lesson as he gained full control of his body, and bolted up faster than a bullet.

…

The word had barely left my mouth before the Elvenking suddenly bolted up, scaring Jaazah and I half to death.

"Son of a-" Jaazah started, jumping away from the healing bed. I had a similar reaction, however the words that left my mouth weren't cut off.

Thranduil appeared startled at our words, and stared at us like a deer in headlights. We stared at each other for a second before I frantically called for one of the healers.

"Marianne Juliet Rosemary Winchester, he just jumped out of his coma!"

It didn't take long for her to arrive, fussing over the patient and double-checking everything. He was surprisingly quiet, only answering when asked a question. Every now and then I would see him stare at me out of the corner of my eye, always with a very bewildered look on his face. Did I have lipstick on my teeth? I checked in the reflection of a metal bowl. No, not as far as I could tell. What could cause him to stare at me like that? I decided to put the question out of my mind, it probably wasn't that important anyway. He probably wasn't even really staring at _me_.

...

He was definitely staring at her.

It was like he was seeing her in a whole new light. Gone were his suspicions about her origin and intentions, gone was anything negative he had ever thought or assumed about the queen of the Ayasyas.

No, in their stead he saw a regal, enigmatic ruler who was loving to all of her children and ruled with a fair hand. Her hair was _amber_ instead of merely fair, her eyes _umber_ instead of brown. Everything about her seemed elevated, he could almost see the tiny specks of gold in her eyes catching the light. How could he have never realized how impressive she was? And she was not merely beautiful, but also talented, diplomatic and a fine mother. He felt the by-now familiar warmth spread to his stomach, and was reminded of the last time he felt that way. The thought of his deceased wife sobered him for a moment, but all thoughts of tragedy melted away when he caught her eye and she smiled softly at him.

He felt like an elfling again, his heart pounding out of his chest. There was no one in the room to him but her. She was the room, she was everything.

…

"So, what's the deal?"

"He seems perfectly healthy, there's no sign at all that he was even ill at all. It seems like a miracle."

I looked back at the Elvenking, who was staring off into the distance. We locked eyes, and I smiled politely at him before turning back to the healer.

"Are you sure that he's alright? He seems rather out of sorts, he hasn't said a word to anyone other than you since he woke up! Not even to ask why exactly he was in the healing ward. Doesn't that seem out of character to you?"

Marianne shrugged before gathering her things into a pile.

"Medically there's nothing wrong with him. There's no valid reason for me to keep him in here, and after all, we still don't know what caused it in the first place."

I nodded and dismissed her, then quickly pulled Jaazah to the side and talked to her in a low voice.

"The more I see, the less I like it. You might be right. Have someone stay with him at all times, even if just at a distance."

Jaazah nodded and took one last look at Thranduil before leaving us. I turned to the Elvenking and smiled friendlily. "Well, we're not quite sure what caused your, um, fainting spell, but you're free to leave. I'm sorry for any inconvenience that you may have experienced."

I don't know what I was expecting him to reply, but the small warmth-infused smile certainly took me by surprise.

"There has been no harm or inconvenience to my person. Put your mind at ease on that account."

He retained eye contact while speaking, his eyes filled with something I couldn't quite decipher. I smiled nervously and bid him farewell before taking my leave. I could feel his eyes on my back as I left the room, and instantly knew that the situation had just become much, much more complicated.

…

It didn't get any better at dinner.

He ate very little, enough not to insult the food, but still much less than he had eaten at previous meals. Here he was a king, he couldn't afford to show that anything about him was off. He had been assaulted with concerned faces and questions as soon as his advisor had found out about him being in the healing ward overnight. Since then he had been watched like a hawk, thus making acting out of character impossible.

And Thranduil was definitely acting out of character.

Thranduil wasn't sure if Fate had smiled or frowned upon him that day. He had been seated next to Lady Nontle. He could barely focus on eating while she was so close. She seemed to see that he wasn't in the mood for conversation, though, and talked with him as little as possible. He was equal parts grateful and disappointed by her perceptiveness. As she talked and laughed with the other royals, his stomach twisted in jealously. Suddenly a fierce anger came over him, and something in him snarled _You can't have her, she's_ _ **mine**_. It passed as suddenly as it came, and he was left slightly shaken at the possessive words. Even with his slight infatuation with her, he was smart enough to know that she certainly wasn't his. Besides, Thranduil was very rarely jealous, it was something he deemed below him. But with her, it was _different_.

Thranduil tried to stow thoughts of the queen in the back of his mind, and concentrate on eating. It wouldn't do to cause anyone concern by his distracted behavior, and after all, he would have plenty of time to sort out his feelings later.

…

Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain and leader of his people, was having a horrible day.

He hadn't slept a wink, had barely eaten breakfast and had had to talk to far too many elves.

In fact, today had been the worst day that he had had in a long time. He was more bad-tempered than usual, and it showed. There was a permanent frown on his face, and there seemed to be a dark raincloud following him around. He was also quick to snap at people, causing Balin to have to warn him three times already about being civil. Civil, as if half of the beings here didn't already look down upon him and his people. All of the 'civility' was starting to annoy him. Insult hidden behind innocent remarks, phrases with too many double-meanings. Thorin could be diplomatic when he wanted to, but right now all he wanted to do was take his sword and start running anyone through who annoyed him. The King Under the Mountain wasn't sure if anything could life his mood at this point.

It seemed that it was a day for Kings to be proven wrong though, for as soon as he walked into the dining hall, all of his worries melted away. He didn't question it at first, thinking the exhaustion from being angry all day had caught up to him. He sat with Balin , focusing on getting through the meal without falling asleep. He tuned out the conversations of the other royals as usual, but something caught his attention. A quiet laugh rang out, a genuine one, not just some polite half-cough. He looked over, and saw the queen struggling to stifle her giggles. He was struck by how different she looked in that moment. In that moment she wasn't the meddlesome elf-friend, she was a woman laughing so hard it was bordering on impolite. He watched her desperately try to get herself under control, only to giggle quietly a few seconds later. The sight made her seem ten years younger, and was rather endearing…

Wait, endearing?

He checked himself. He had not just thought that Lady Nontle, Queen of the Ayasyas, overall annoyance, was endearing. Good, that was settled. He nodded, satisfied at his conclusion. He had come close to some odd thoughts there, good thing he reminded himself just who exactly she was.

He may have settled the matter with himself, but he would never admit to how he glanced at her now and again, and he'd die before admitting that her laughing eyes made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

…

Meanwhile, I was completely oblivious to anything out of the ordinary happening. I was talking to Sia, who was fidgeting every other second and glancing nervously at the people around the table.

"And you're sure that none of them have shown any signs of attraction? They may be hard to spot, you know."

I smiled and shook my head.

"Sia, I've been alive forty-one years, I think I would be able to tell if someone here was infatuated with me."

She didn't smile back, her frown deepening instead.

"But you wouldn't, the spell was made for it to start off slow, and gradually get more intense. Currently the affected will only be feeling the puppy love stages of a crush. It will become more intense and noticeable as time goes on. It's supposed to mimic the real process of falling in love, and the more a person likes you already, the less time it will take."

I listened to her, humming thoughtfully. Okay, so maybe I wouldn't be the best person to immediately recognize if someone had a crush on me. Hell, I had been single all of my life! So what? I had always noticed when people had had crushes on my friends, how different could this be?

Sia seemed to have guessed where my thoughts had gone, and sighed exasperatedly. I winked at her, and looked around the room. People were starting to file out, and I was feeling kind of tired after the stressful events of the day. I excused myself, and walked out of the doors with Sia by my side.

Had I been paying closer attention, I would have felt the two pairs of eyes on me as I left, and realized that maybe I wasn't quite at good at spotting crushes as I thought.


	13. Author's Note

Dear followers and fans of my book,

I'm sure you've noticed how inactive I've been lately, and I feel that it isn't fair to just leave you without any sort of explanation. The last year has been the toughest in my life. My parents divorced and I moved in with my mom. I've tried to start a new chapter many times, but I've never managed to finish one. I might come back to this book later, but at this stage in my life it's impossible for me to commit myself.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and my writing since I wrote my first chapter. Reading your reviews always made my day a lot better, and I hope that this isn't goodbye forever.


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